12 Pizzas for 12 Signs of the Zodiac (by an astrologer)

So yesterday I was having a bit of a carp because I get tired of repeating the same things over and over again to Muggles (even though I love them really--they're just so cute and ignorant, I mean innocent) and today my attention was drawn to Buzzfeed's article "What's Your Zodiac Sign's Pizza Topping?".  I love astrology humour and I get all that tongue-in-cheek banter about what Aries are like in bed (fast) or what a Cancerian does after sex (orders pizza) but this Buzzfeed article really set me off because IT IS SO GODDAMN LAME. What? I can can tell an astrologer didn't put this together because it doesn't make any sense at all.

So I decided to take on Buzzfeed--just because the cheap bastards should be hiring REAL astrologers to do their astrology topics, not some muggle (bless their little septic, I mean sceptic hearts).

So imagine this: someone calls up Buzzfeed and asks for the "Aries Pizza". And Buzzfeed sends them . . . a pizza with olives? What? Are they bloody serious? What do OLIVES have to do with ARIES??

Anyway, I couldn't let this happen.

So here's my version of 12 Zodiac Sign's Pizza Topping:

An Aries rings up an astrologer and asks for the "Aries Pizza". The astrologer knows Aries is ruled by Mars which is, according to Ptolemy, DRY and HOT. So chillies and spicy meats are appropriate. And according to William Lilly, garlic is the plant associated with Mars. As the metal Iron is ruled by Mars, there has to be a source of the mineral Iron on the pizza--so it has to have spinach. Aries is a cardinal sign so it's fast and doesn't want to be chewing on a thick crust for hours so the crust has to be thin and crispy.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

So here is my Pizza for an Aries (above). . .

Now Taurus. . .Buzzfeed says "pepperoni" (lazy bastards).

Alex the Astrologer says: Taurus is ruled by Venus but the rustic, au naturel  kind of Venus (compare to Libra) so the pizza needs to have a bit of the organic going for it with a crust like, um, wood.  Now Venus does rule olives so it has to have that. And mushrooms with the dirt still on because, um, Taurus is an earth sign. With Taurus, there has to be a pudding to satisfy that sweet tooth and as Venus rules apples and almonds, well you'll see. Taurus also likes the fine things in life so for a drink, it has to be Courvoisier. Oh the menu for Taurus is green because Venus rules copper and I couldn't think of any foods that have copper in them, lol.

Gemini. . .Buzzfeed says "extra cheese". Really? A Gemini wants to be chewing on extra cheese?

Alex the astrologer says: Gemini is ruled by Mercury so there has to be a bit a seafood on the pizza (a sad but true reflection of the Mercury contamination in our fish supply). The crust must be very light as our Gemini friends have more important things to do with their mouth besides chew. Gemini is a double-bodied sign so their pizza must be half and half. Oh and they like variety.

Cancer. . . Buzzfeed says "peppers". WTF? 

Alex the Astrologer says: Cancer is ruled by the Moon so the pizza has to evoke memories of the past. Cancerians get dibs on the quiet corner of the restaurant if they can't eat their pizza in bed. They must have milk products. . .oh and rosemary is a noted aid for improving the memory. Plants that grow quickly near water are Moon ruled so mushrooms are a good choice. Would be nice if the setting could be silver.

Leos. . .Buzzfeed says "Pineapple and Ham".

Alex the Astrologer says: Good god, how common!! The portions must be generous of course and the setting should be gold. Although Leo is a Fire sign, they don't like the spicy stuff so much because it makes them sweat and messes up their hair. Of course Leos like opulence so the menu must reflect that. And speaking of reflections--Leos like theirs so the pizza comes with a mirror so they can admire themselves whilst quaffing champagne.

Virgos. . .Buzzfeed says "Meat Lover's".

Alex the Astrologer says: Well good luck to whoever is going to serve THAT to health conscious Virgos. All I can say is I'm not making their pizza!

Libras. . . Buzzfeed says "Veggies"

Alex the Astrologer says: *facepalm
Getting a Libran to eat their veggies is like getting a Virgo to eat Spam. Libra is Venus-ruled but unlike Taureans, they like the fluffy, sweet stuff. Like roses (Venus ruled). So cotton candy (candy floss to you Brits) with a nice sweet gentle cheese would put a smile on the sappy face of a Libra. Of course Libra is the sign of balance so the serving staff need to pay attention to balancing the portions.

Scorpio. . .Buzzfeed says "Sausage"

Alex the Astrologer says: Well it's not a bad choice although I'm not entirely certain what Scorpios will be doing with those sausages. A far better choice would be a bit of blood and guts so black pudding sauce (which is made of cows blood--or is it pigs'  blood?). Fugu, also known as pufferfish, has to be prepared very carefully as it is the most lethal substance on the planet (or something like that) so it is appropriate. It also sounds like "Fuck you" so has extra appeal.  The choice of Chianti is a reference to "Silence of the Lambs". Scorpios have the life or death thing! So intense! Oh and Scorpios hate waste hence the recycled crust.

Sagittarius. . .Buzzfeed says: "Mushrooms"

Alex the astrologer says: You have GOT to be kidding me, right? Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter so think big and extravagant. Think heart attack on a plate! Jupiter rules foreign places so springbok is something quite unusual to British and/or American palates. I thought grubs might work too as I don't know anyone who has eaten any of those (although I understand they taste like scrambled eggs). Ah. . .and Jupiter rules religion too, hence the Communion wine.

Capricorn. . .Buzzfeed says: "Buffalo chicken"

Alex the Astrology says:  Capricorn is Saturn ruled so it's hard to imagine a Capricorn paying for a luxury topping like buffalo chicken. Of course they would have it (as well as several G and Ts) if they could claim it on their expense budget. Capricorns are frugal--especially if they are paying the bill.

Aquarius. . .Buzzfeed says: "Onion"

This is so supremely stupid and non astrological I don't think I'll ever recover. This is why Muggles should not be doing a job meant for astrologers. On a more positive note, this is the photo that unleashed a fury in me that had all my astrology friends laughing and cheering in support. So there's always a silver lining. . .

Alex the astrologer says: OMG. Aquarians are the least sensitive and empathetic sign!! But they they  do see the world a little differently! They are also known for being quite experimental and for their dislike of playing by the rules. Oh and they love technology.

Finally, our Neptune-ruled Piscean friends! Buzzfeed says: "Anchovies"

Alex the Astrologer says: Not a bad choice as Neptune was the god of the sea. However, I think our Piscean friends have more important things on their mind!

About the Astrologer

Alex Trenoweth was voted Best International Astrologer, 2015 for her dynamic presentation on Astrology and Education. Her book, "Growing Pains" is an exciting development in astrology as it combines classroom teaching experience, sound research and the potential to have a positive impact on struggling adolescents, parents, teachers and those who have been labelled "at risk". For queries, consultations or syndications, please contact Alex via www.alextrenoweth.com or leave a message in the comment section.

About the New Book

There are two wolves fighting inside of me, the old story goes, one wolf is good and the other is evil.“But Grandfather,” asked the child, “Which one wins?” The Grandfather answered, “The wolf I feed.” You can get the book (unpublished) here: https://alextrenoweth.co.uk/product/the-wolf-you-feed/

We might like to think that being good is a natural instinct. In fact, doing the right thing takes a conscious decision. Every day, we are met with temptation to get ahead at the expense of someone else, to get away with something we know is wrong or to cut corners if we think no one is watching.

Following on from her powerful book on astrology and Education, “Growing Pains”, Alex Trenoweth explores the benefits of using “the bad guy” of the solar system: Saturn. Often avoided and seldom understood, if we understand our own Saturn then we can help others to understand theirs. Using case studies of  highly successful people contrasted with convicted serial killers, Trenoweth deftly demonstrates the dire consequences of feeding the wrong dog.

13 Things Astrologers Wish Muggles Understood

So today I was thinking. . .I am so tired of repeating myself! So I came up with this handy little guide for you to share with your Muggle* friends. If you have something to add, just leave a comment and I might be able to work it in at some point.

Without further ado. . .

1.     Astrology is a VAST topic

A Western astrologer getting to grips with the Vedas

It’s not all Sun Sign columns you know!  The history of astrology itself is a massive topic. Then of course, there’s cultural astrology (astrology from different cultural perspectives). There are also different branches of astrology: Natal (the interpretation of the birth chart), Synastry (the astrology of relationships), Electional (choosing a time to do something like a wedding or book launch or store opening), Mundane (the astrology of world events), Forecasting (predictions of all sorts), Horary (answering a specific question using astrology). . .and these are topics just off the top of my head!

2.     Astrologers are nerds and are always learning

A bunch of nerds at an astrology conference in India

Refer to point #1. If you ever meet an astrologer who claims to know everything about astrology, run far, far away as fast as you can. As for the rest of us--yeah, we huddle up and speak the language when we’re together because we are so few and far between. This is why we hug each other so much. We also read a lot. The majority of astrologers I know are total book hoarders.

3.     Not all astrologers write a Sun Sign column

Not all astrologers like Sun Sign astrology. They feel it is too general and they will probably tell you they have better things to do with astrology.  I used to hate Sun Sign astrology too and here's my story. But if you came here looking for a Sun Sign column, here's mine for June 2016 for the Cosmic Intelligence Agency.

4.     Astrologers think sceptics are pretty funny

We know what “Precession of the Equinox” means, we don’t think everyone fits into twelve neat categories and pretty much all astrologers know Ophiuchus isn’t the 13^th sign (and we know better than to confuse signs and constellations). A lot of astrologers find it pretty funny that so many sceptics run their mouths about astrology but actually know NOTHING about it! What are they afraid of? Oh and for your enjoyment, here is a blog where I take down Matthew Syeed for piping up about astrology.

Oh and predictions. Everyone makes predictions. The weatherman makes predictions all the time and is paid very handsomely for his efforts--whether he's right or wrong. But when an astrologer gets it wrong. . .

I teach children and for a long time was banned from telling anybody I was an astrologer because the school had a Christian ethos (if you want to read the whole story, here it is). But it was part of my job to make predictions. These predictions were basically made on the trajectory direction of a pupil's progress over time. I'd like to say I got it right all the time but every now and again miracles and disasters happened. It's a similar thing with astrology--you can't always account for free will. And, um, I'm not responsible for every other astrologer's bad call either.

5.     All astrologers work in different ways

Think about how an artist might react if given a palette of colours and a blank canvas. Certain techniques might be shared between artists but style would vary widely. Again, refer to point #1. I’ve never met an astrologer who works the way I do, agrees with all my opinions or who likes all my stuff. If I ever met this fabled beast, I’d have to slay them just because I'd think they were taking the piss. And in reference to point #4, there probably are a few Astrologers who use Ophiuchus as a 13^th sign (the rest of us laugh at them behind their backs).

6.     All astrologers can read an ephemeris

Yeah, we can read this. Where does it come from? Some guy or gal with glasses, a lab coat and a posh degree from Oxford or Harvard spent long hours and a lot of daddy's money doing calculations so we astrologers can use the information for nefarious purposes. And speaking of nefarious purposes—despite what you may have learned in Sunday School, the majority of astrologers aren’t practitioners of Satanism and we don’t sacrifice virgins at the Vernal Equinoxes or partake in cannibalistic practices. Unlike certain other religions. Ahem. Oh and a lot of us don't make claims to be psychic or use Tarot cards, palmistry, crystal balls or the innards of birds or other methods for divinatory purposes. By the way, stop asking us if we "believe" in astrology: we don't "believe" in it--we "practice" it. Lots and lots and lots.
AND STOP HOLDING OUT YOUR HAND FOR A FREE PALM READING WHEN I TELL YOU I AM AN ASTROLOGER!!
What is it with that? It makes me wonder what you'd do if I told you I was a proctologist.
By the way, I am a palmist as well--it's the cheek of expecting me to do it on my night off (for free) that annoys me.

7.     There are such things as Astrology Conferences

Some of us love them and some of us avoid them. But they exist all over the world. Just check out a group of western astrologers in saris and sherwanis at Krishnamurti Institute of Astrology conference in Kolkata India. In the past year, I've also been to the US, South Africa and Australia for astrology conferences. Yep, astrologers are everywhere!

8.     Quite a few astrologers have a specialism

I’m a fairly well rounded astrologer (in more ways than one, ahem) but my specialism is Astrology and Education. I even wrote a book about it and as this is my blog, here’s a link to said book. And some information on astrology and education workshops I hold.

9.     All Astrologers have a story about how they became astrologers

My big day was when I realised there was more than just the Sun involved in astrology. Here's a youtube clip of a recent interview where I talk about how I got into astrology. By the way, just because Chris Turner and I look like a Pepto Bismol explosion at a pharmaceutical factory does not mean all astrologers like the colour pink. And no, it's not my favourite colour either (it's green as you asked).

10.  Most astrologers have a pretty good grip on astronomy

Well, I teach Physics to teenagers so I know the difference between nuclear fusion and nuclear fission and I could do a pretty good job explaining how a star is born too. Kiss my ass Brian Cox and Dara O’Braian.

11.  Not all Astrologers have chosen to formalise their astrology training

Took me 18 years to get it.

Astrology classes are expensive, hard work and don’t guarantee you can make a living from astrology. But I did choose to do  formal astrological degrees (and whinged the whole way through the course). That's my diploma from The Faculty of Astrological Studies to the left. The MA from Cultural Astronomy and Astrology from Bath Spa is my other degree. I've also studied Hellenistic Astrology with Dorian Greenbaum and electional and horary astrology with the School of Traditional Astrology and Deborah Houlding (who does Skyscript). By the way, very few astrologers make their living exclusively from astrology. Out of the hundreds of astrologers I know of, only a handful don't have a day job to fund travel, courses and materials. Every now and again I add up all the time and money I've spent on astrology courses and I think I could have pursued a PhD in something useful but most days I'm happy with my decision to follow my heart.

12.  Astrologers don’t go on holiday when Mercury is retrograde**

OK, this is one of my pet peeves. Mercury is retrograde around 2-3 months of the year. Good luck not using public transport or the postal system for all that time.

13.  Nothing can replace a real live consultation with a trusted astrologer. Nothing.

Not all astrologers see clients but I do. If you'd like a consultation with me, you can contact me here or you can Skype me (AstroAlex1984). Just so you know.

*Muggles" is my rather affectionate term for people who don't know anything about astrology outside of Sun sign columns. I've written about how to go from being a Muggle to being an astrologer on another post.
**"Retrograde" motion is when a planet appears to be moving backwards against other bodies within its system. All the planets can be retrograde but Mercury seems to be the celestial whipping boy for lost post, computer malfunctions and train delays. I had a tirade about this too which you can read about here.

About the Astrologer

Alex Trenoweth was voted Best International Astrologer, 2015 for her dynamic presentation on Astrology and Education. Her book, "Growing Pains" is an exciting development in astrology as it combines classroom teaching experience, sound research and the potential to have a positive impact on struggling adolescents, parents, teachers and those who have been labelled "at risk". For queries, consultations or syndications, please contact Alex via www.alextrenoweth.com or leave a message in the comment section.

About the New Book

There are two dogs fighting inside of me, the old story goes, one dog is good and the other is evil. “But Grandfather,” asked the child, “Which one wins?” The Grandfather answered, “The dog I feed.”

We might like to think that being good is a natural instinct. In fact, doing the right thing takes a conscious decision. Every day, we are met with temptation to get ahead at the expense of someone else, to get away with something we know is wrong or to cut corners if we think no one is watching.

Following on from her powerful book on astrology and Education, “Growing Pains”, Alex Trenoweth explores the benefits of using “the bad guy” of the solar system: Saturn. Often avoided and seldom understood, if we understand our own Saturn then we can help others to understand theirs. Using case studies of  highly successful people contrasted with convicted serial killers, Trenoweth deftly demonstrates the dire consequences of feeding the wrong dog.

Firewalking

This is an updated post from May Day 2010

30th April 2010, Glastonbury, 10 pm, and I’m looking at the bed of glowing coals in front of me. We had spent the day watching huge piles of wood being reduced to these fiery embers and now it was my turn to walk across them in bare feet. Earlier in the day I had wished my bemused teaching colleagues a happy May Day and then left the school to walk on hot coals. They had come to expect strange things from me.

I look again at the shimmering, sparkling coals in front of me, so hot I know they would burn a hole in my hand if I were to pick

them up. I can't imagine the agony if I were to be burned on the bottom of my feet and my fear makes me take a step back to let another walker go ahead of me. I watch as her feet turn to a glowing orange and her steps kick up fire: she has become a Firewalker. And whilst I remain a petrified watcher, I cannot join her in this achievement. This moment is about overcoming fear, brushing away life’s cobwebs and affirming what one can do in life. 

Symbolically I felt this fiery ground represented the threshold from fear to faith. It was a journey I felt compelled to do for reasons that had completely escaped me as I stared at what could only be described as Hellish. 

And what the Hell was I doing taking such a crazy risk? Transiting Pluto opposed my natal Mars--it was such a perfect transit for the paralysis that had overcome me at that moment. And it would be an ideal symbol of spending several weeks in wheelchair with bandages on my feet if I got burned.

The Moon that night was in Sagittarius conjunct Antares, the baleful Heart of the Scorpion and it was in trine to Mars in fiery Leo which was in turn conjunct my natal Mercury. I looked up at the Moon and remembered She opposed Venus along the ascendent/descendent axis of my natal chart. I felt the heavens were calling on me, as a women, to embrace the boldness of The Masculine.

It was time to step into the fire or step into the shadows forever. I locked my mind in the Faith of divine goodness and walked on the fire in front of me. And at the end of Hell, there was no pain or scars to remind me of my journey. I was a Phoenix.

Just to prove to myself I could do it, I did it a second time.

This was not the end of the the extraordinary weekend.

The next day was May Day, 1st of May and it would be a day that I danced with the Green Man, sang with the Devil, drank beer with the May Queen - and walked up Glastonbury Tor to watch children dance around the May Pole and clap as Morris Dancers pranced about with their sticks and hankies: where I had embraced the masculine the night before, they were embracing the feminine. At least that was how I saw it.

Of course all magic has to end (so I thought) and as I boarded the bus to leave Glastonbury and return to the real world, I wondered

how I could bring the magic back. The bus journey gave me a chance to  reflect on my life's journey. I had come a long way from the divorced, nearly bankrupt woman with 3 children and no job. I had just moved into my new house with my new partner, I had a coveted Master's degree and a secure job in teaching and was enjoying a completely different life--one I had not dared to believe could actually happen.

These details were far too personal to share with my pupils. I guarded my private life carefully. Even as I turned the key to enter

my own home, I still did not have a clue as to how I could share my extraordinary experience. I was the kind of teacher who liked to know what she was going to do well in advance.

The next morning when I got to school, I saw that I had chosen the word "Euphoria" as the theme for the week. It had been chosen weeks before but what better word to describe how I was feeling? I asked my colleagues to share some of their more adventurous experiences such as running marathons or jumping out of planes and I used them in the assembly I had to lead. Then I showed the

pupils the photo of me walking on hot goals. There was an audible gasp from the otherwise unimpressed group of fourteen year olds.

‘Miss, you’re really a sick Gangsta!’ one pupil shouted out.

But that night of fire walking was not about me but rather what I could do--and if I could do it, I wanted my pupils to know they could also do extraordinary things (but please not fire walk when I'm on duty).

This past May bank holiday 2016, gave me an opportunity to remember Firewalking. I hadn't noticed on the night but transit Saturn had opposed my natal Saturn. And if you're familiar with my Growing Pains work, then you know how significant I think Saturn oppositions are. This week transiting retrograde Saturn has been squaring my natal Uranus/Pluto conjunction and my Progressed Sun and Mercury. And I just been feeling things have ground to a complete halt (I also note Saturn was retrograde in the event chart too!). I should have been preparing for my move to India but I was spending this time untangling myself from a long term relationship, raising a bit of cash to fund a long year of travelling ahead and finding my own voice. Indeed, this article had originally been written by my partner. It has been an empowering experience to go through it and change his words to mine. I cannot even say why I let him do this as this story has been the only one I had let someone else write.

I lost my friend Jonathan Cainer a few days ago. He was more than just an astrologer to me and I am grateful I have not had to grieve alone. As a group of mutual friends gathered on the first sunset of Jon's passing, we shared our stories about him. I remarked that he was like Jupiter with a gravitational force that was impossible to escape. And as I wrote my tribute for him for the Astrological Journal, I was reminded that Jon had been a huge part of the process of transforming a bit of space junk into someone who had achieved things far beyond the limitations of her wishes. It was Jon who told me that I needed to be in a classroom and I am just humbled by the mechanics of Saturn transits that I started my PGCE in October 2002 as Saturn was in a waxing square to its natal position in my chart, that another square from that point I was Firewalking and with any bit of determination, at the next square at the end of 2017, I'll be doing something even more spectacular. 

But I now see it is time for me to get to grips with letting go of my life here in London. For a few weeks I had been just marking time. But now I am finally moving forward.

In Praise of Mercury Retrograde

I get so sick of hearing people blame Mercury Retrograde for late buses, delayed flights, mail strikes, broken glasses, computers crashing, lost mail, broken fingers, popped eardrums, natural disasters and great goddess knows what else. When something bad happens, far too many people start exclaiming: "I KNEW it!! Mercury is retrograde!" Even though they know damn well any of those things could happen when Mercury is in forward motion.

I once even had an astrologer friend (who shall remain anonymous) blame Mercury retrograde for a traffic jam.  I countered that traffic jams happen all the time along that particular stretch of road. This astrologer wasn't having it: Mercury retrograde had caused the travel delays. The next day, the same astrologer refused to get into a lift because Mercury was retrograde. We all got to the floor we wanted without the cable snapping. 

People, get a grip.

Mercury retrograde is an optical illusion. Like the tilt of the earth's axis, which gives us seasons and reasons to argue over house systems, Mercury retrograde is proof of the First Mover's sense of humour. That's right. I said it. Mercury doesn't really move backwards: it just looks that way from our perspective.

"Oh I knew that," says the collective bunch of astrologers who are busy updating their statuses with little Mercury Retrograde moans and groans.

"Someone put my astrology book between Anouilh and Brecht. Mercury must be retrograde!"

"Oh don't post letters because Mercury is retrograde!"

"My car broke down. Oh what a pisser to have Mercury retrograde!"

"Oh it's snowing today! I should have known it would happen: Mercury is retrograde!"

Mercury retrograde happens 2, 3 or 4 times per year with a duration of about 3 1/2 weeks a time. Not all bad things that happen to you over the course of a year are concentrated into those 12 weeks. Let me give you a couple of examples: Chernobyl, 9/11, Fukushima and the tsunami in Indonesia (2004) all happened when Mercury was in happy forward motion. I had a bike accident last summer--Mercury was not retrograde. Sure a few disasters such as the Hindenburg and the Titanic happened during Mercury retrograde but Buddy Holly's plane crash did NOT happen when Mercury was retrograde. Neither did a meteor strike in Brazil in 1930 occur during Mercury retrograde. Do you see where I'm headed with this? You can't cherry pick an event and then proclaim it happened because Mercury was in retrograde motion.

OK now let's talk about really cool things that have happened when Mercury was retrograde. Janis Joplin. Do you need more cool things? Michael Jackson. More? Hillary Clinton. Oh she's not cool enough--but it kind of shoots a hole into that theory about Mercury retrograde people being quiet and introspective, doesn't it? And I can tell you want one more cool person. How about me? Yes that's right, I was born when Mercury was retrograde and you would be hard pressed to find a more mercurial person than yours truly: my ascendant is Gemini and Mr Trickster is in my natal 3rd house and he's unaspected too. And I'm OK. I walk and talk and travel just fine.

Now I'm not doubting that awkward things happen when Mercury is retrograde but for the love of astrology, let's put some data behind it when we start Mercury retrograde bashing. Be a little selective. And for goddess' sake, stop scaring the muggles. Let's see some examples, let's do some statistical analysis or some other form of research because guys, I'm in the choir. You get me? I'm in the converted audience and I can see we're feeding the sceptics with our sloppy practices! We got to tighten the screws.

So let me give whoever is reading this a few ideas:

from: http://www.astrologyhoroscopereadings.com/2016-mercury-retrograde-calendar.html

1) The shadow phase of Mercury. At first I was eye rolling a bit because I thought it was just Retrograde Mercury bashers trying to extend the time of Mercury retrograde. But there might be something in it. Let's see it.

2) Mercury retrograde is part of a cycle and there may be common themes or threads within those cycles. Let's see those too. That's a lot more interesting than hearing about your cat barfing on your magazine collection.

3) The astronomy of planets in retrograde motion is fascinating. Let's weave a little more of the science instead of randomly tossing crap into the pot of communal reinforcement.

4) Almost every culture has a "wise fool": someone who appears silly but actually has an important message. Instead of blaming Mercury retrograde  when things go wrong, look at the message behind the situation. After all, Mercury is a god and is worthy of our respect whether in forward, stationary or retrograde motion.

5) Before you start blaming Mercury Retrograde for your bad day, remember this:

My Groovy Graduates

So much has happened in the past few months but I've only just realised I was in desperate need of updating my biography on my website.

In this process, I also realised that I totally forgot to formally announce the names of the groovy graduates from my "Astrology in Education" workshop held in Melbourne Australia on the 20 February 2016.

The event was organised by the incredible Head Agent of the Cosmic Intelligence Agency, Julija Simas and hosted by the wonderful Louise Senior at My Sacred Space healing centre.

My intention in teaching this workshop was to train astrologers of any level how to use astrology to teach and engage young people (of all ages) in a manner that would suit their learning needs. I did this in a few ways: firstly, by grounding the pupils through their own Saturn sign so they could understand their own inner disciplinarian and then through looking at the signs of Jupiter so they could recognise how Jupiter can be used to give their own students the confidence to learn in their own unique style. I explained brain development in adolescence and how it corresponded with transits of Saturn and Jupiter. I also went through case studies to show how retrograde, stationing and forward motion of Jupiter and Saturn could vary from person to person and how this knowledge can be used to provide guidance at the right time. Being a data nerd, I was also able to show how the behaviour of the younger pupils (ages 11-13) in secondary school varies significantly from the older pupils (ages 14-16). I also revealed some very surprising results on lunar phases and behaviour. I used further case studies to demonstrate the astrological hallmarks of anorexia, violence, dyslexia, addiction and explained why adolescents who have not experienced their final Saturn opposition should be given special dispensation should they commit a crime. I argued that there is a way to help troubled children at key areas in their lives so they grow into happy and well adjusted adults.

This was my first one day work shop but I was absolutely delighted with the enthusiasm that the pupils used to embrace these new and unconventional ideas. I was made to feel so welcome and as always, what a pleasure it is to work with pupils who are willing to put themselves "out there" to learn and experience new astrological techniques.

To show how happy I was with them, there was only one way a teacher could let them know it: by giving them certificates!!

So here are the names in the very first "Astrology in Education" graduating class of 2016:

Jacqui Spencer

Sara Gilbert

Lisa Simmons

Michelle Negri

Jayne Richardson

Rebecca Best

Diana Mattea

Vivian Hull

Louise Senior

Deborah James

Susan Kotrba

Suzie Galatopoula

Julija Simas

Well done groovy graduates!! And thank you so much for being so good!! I have no doubt you are now ready to show others how astrology can help educate even the most challenging pupils!

PS Is you're interested in hosting an "Astrology in Education" workshop, why not drop me a line?

Marking Time

Yep that's me after a 22 hour flight to Blighty

I was in one marching band or another through my formative years. Being from Michigan, I marched in all weather--sweltering heat, driving rain and blizzards--for football games and parades. Recent contact with my former music director, Jim Wright, from Western Michigan University (Go Broncos!!) has brought back a lot of memories from all those performances as well as the parties that went with them. But most of all I remember Band Camp when everyone who had anything to do with the Marching Band had to go to school a week earlier than everyone else to prepare for the long football season ahead. Jim calling out "squeeze the sphincter" to perfect the glide step is one of my enduring memories. I also remember the French Horn section (after two years of orthodontic work, my embouchure wasn't ready for returning to playing the trumpet) having to backwards march whilst the rifle guards tossed their rifles over our heads. It had to be one of the most terrifying--and perhaps exhilarating--things I had ever done. If it went right, it was amazing. If it went wrong, someone was going to end up with a broken nose.

One thing I always hated was marking time. One would think it would be easy just lifting your feet in time but actually the technique is quite gruelling as well as difficult. Jim or the Drum Major would be yelling for us to squeeze the sphincters and lift our knees higher until everyone got it right. And trust me, that could take a long time. It didn't matter if the weather was boiling hot, freezing cold or if it was pissing it down, for me marking time meant I wasn't going anywhere.

And so now, having just returned from an epic 5 continent, 5 month astrology tour, I find myself back in Walthamstow, back to a teaching post and back to waiting for something to happen. That thing waiting to happen is my return to India where I will take up my post as Secretary General of International Affairs and Professor of Western Astrology for Krishnamurti Institute of Astrology. So you can see why I'm a little impatient to get a move on and why I might regard this period of waiting as "marking time".

But, as with many things, passing time allows us to develop a whole new perspective. And so it is with my hours spent marking time all those years ago in marching band. And here's my new perspective: it may seem as if I'm not doing much but there's a whole lot of processing going on. So here's a little summary:

1) I cried at Sydney airport as I prepared to fly home. It was the end of an epic journey and so much had happened I was both sorry to see it end and concerned about what would be greeting me when I returned home.

2) After returning home, it felt like I had never really left

3) It really did seem as if I picked up the reins for my teaching career as if I had only been gone for a long weekend

4) My friends and family at home (that includes the four legged ones) hadn't changed much

5) I finally collected my diploma from the Faculty of Astrological Studies after 18 years. It was not the great feeling of achievement I had always imagined it would be

6) I missed the Church choir and I missed my Wynton (my trumpet)

And yet, everything has changed.

1) I now know what I am going to need to live abroad for an extended period of time. Marmite, pasta, mushy peas and a few carefully chosen astrology books (including my much-missed ephemeris) are high on my list of priorities.

2) Oh dear Goddess, the bills can pile up quickly

3) Having taught a few days at a primary school, I despair of the transition process. Guess who has a lot to say about this. Oh dear Goddess how I missed my pupils.

4) Despite everyone seeming to be the same, there are some crucial, if imperceptible, changes happening. I see this most in the impending birthday of my beloved daughter who will be 18 in a few days time. Where has the time gone? She has blossomed into a sensible (despite a few hiccups along the way), hard working and compassionate person in her own right. Her maturity, beauty, intelligence and strength--despite having me for a mother--is nothing short of miraculous.

5) There was a time when gaining the FAS diploma seemed to be the only thing holding me back from being a professional astrologer. I became a teacher to fund astrology classes and I refused to give myself permission to take on any other astrology courses until that diploma was completed. And now that I have it, I can see that there is SO much more to learn. Since passing the diploma, I've done Hellenistic, Traditional (Horary and Electional) astrology courses and I'm throwing myself into Vedic studies. And I'm only more thirsty. So thirsty that I'm learning Hindi/Sanskrit so I can get to grips with The Vedas. Thirsty. Gimme water.

6) I'm not feeling Easter. I feel bad about saying that but I missed Christmas, Lent, Maundy Thursday and now Good Friday. And I haven't even taken Wynton out of his case.

So there you have it: everything's the same and yet everything has changed.  I'm marking time.

Thinking Vertically in Melbourne

I spent half a Saturn cycle feeling trapped inside the damaged and ineffective educational system but yet this allowed me to feel comfortable and perhaps even grateful to be confined and "safe". I made just enough money to think I was comfortably above the poverty line, I nearly convinced myself that I didn't really need a pension after all and I came to believe that I was doing the world a favour by doing a job no sane and/or reasonable person wants to do. I do believe that might qualify as being symptoms of "The Stockholm Syndrome".

When I decided to leave the teaching profession to promote my book, I even felt quite a pang of guilt: have I abandoned by babies just when they need me the most? I couldn't even leave the profession entirely as I spent nearly four terms very happily employed as a supply teacher working in schools who were extremely wise in working around my hectic travel schedule once I left the vicious treadmill of teaching under a "permanent" contract.

But as my 5 months of travel across 5 continents (Europe, USA, Africa, Asia and Australia) comes to a temporary end and I'm facing up to returning "home" I've been wondering what on earth I'm going to do with myself. I'm in a weird place emotionally. I'm 8,000 miles from London but preparing for life back in the place I used to think I would never willingly leave. I've done things and accomplished things I never thought I would do two years ago. I've grown as a person in more ways than I could possibly describe in a single blog post. I thought I had done pretty OK.

And yet, I've also gone through a couple of crazy phases (lasting all of 24 hours each time) thinking "OMG, what the hell am I doing?" I think it might be similar to being in a row boat in a whirlpool. What have I gotten myself into? My Saturn in Pisces starts screaming for an anchor. Anything to stop the inevitability of disappearing down the plughole.

So on Sunday I think I finally went down that plughole. I had just completed my very first full day "Astrology In Education" workshop, had held several Palmistry workshops as well as several tarot and astrology consultations. It was the first time I was starting to get the very uncomfortable feeling that I didn't have a clue if what I was doing could possibly be replicated anywhere else on the planet but in Melbourne.

Enter my new friend Marianthe who had attended my lecture at the Melbourne Astrology Meetup and made an immediate impression on me (just in case there's any doubt about which one she is, just check out the photo, left).

Marianthe, whose Mercury is exactly conjunct my Jupiter, knocked on my door Sunday morning and announced she was going to take me to breakfast. She didn't tell me where she was taking me but if she did, I would have declined. It was breakfast on the 28th floor and I'm an not only a well known arachnophobe but I'm not fond of heights either.

Marianthe talks a lot (in the best possible way). She says I make her. I would have told her I suspected otherwise but I couldn't get a word in edgeways. But I reckoned anyone who talked so much must have something important for me to hear so I stopped trying to speak and listened to her. And also, there was no chance for me to protest that I was scared of heights, earthquakes, lifts and/or helicopters flying into tall buildings.

So we ended up on the 28th floor of a building with floor to ceiling windows but a very fine selection of breakfast goodies. I concentrated on the smoked salmon and cream cheese and listened carefully to what Marianthe had to say.

Marianthe told me coming up to the 28th floor to have breakfast was part of her way of reminding herself to think big. She said she worked hard and deserved to treat herself. "Just look at this view!" she said with such enthusiasm that I couldn't resist inching a little closer to the windows. Then she said that I needed to think big too. I might have said I thought I was thinking big but perhaps it's best I never got the opportunity: I wasn't thinking big at all I increasingly realised as I listened to her. I was thinking scared. I was thinking in the way people who expect failure--or limited successes--tend to think. "Oh it's not going to work, I want my duvet, the building is going to collapse any second, get me down now."

It was around this point that other things started to dawn on me. During the time I was building a career as a teacher, I was also building a life with a partner whose Saturn/ Pluto was sitting on my Mercury. For years this was absolutely fine with me and it worked perfectly. But re-read the first paragraph in this blog post: it wasn't just the teaching profession that was stifling me. I've recently decided to leave that relationship. And of course the astrology speaks poetically. Transiting Jupiter had passed over my natal Uranus/Pluto conjunction late last year and by retrograde motion is about to do the same again (I'll get a third fly by in June). The door of opportunity has been opened and it's time for me to make a break for freedom. And it was Marianthe's natal Mercury on my natal Jupiter that was telling me it was going to be OK (and by the way, astrology can also show the way to leave relationships without hate, animosity or fear).

I have a lot of stuff happening (big announcements coming soon). I want to help to create a better profession for teachers, inspire unhappy pupils of all ages and bring astrologers from across the globe together irrespective of the astro containers they want to put themselves in. I need to think outside the box of expected limitations. I need to have the faith that I can be in high places and enjoy the new perspective. It's that simple.

With great thanks to Marianthe!