Singing for their suppers

Whilst out and about in Surrey, we met an intrepid trio of singers known as Ed, Will and Ginger who were walking their way around Britain. They literally sang for the suppers (and other meals). We were treated to a round of traditional English song when they happened to visit the very same pub where we had treked with the llamas. I found their story incredibly moving. They forage for food and make temorary lean-tos as they visit villages. Their website can be found here.

In honour of Great British tradition, I offer a Mars conjunct Mercury joke:

There once was a little old lady who wanted a parrot all her life. Finally, one day she spots a good deal on a parrot for sale in the newspaper. She makes the call and arranges to pick it up the next day. In the meantime, out she goes to the pet store and buys the very best cage for him that money can buy.The next day the little old lady brings her parrot home and puts him in the cage. She watches him excitedly as he looks around his new surroundings and asks, "Do you like it? Do you like it?"

The parrot says, "nice f...n’ cage".

Well!!! The little old lady's hair stood straight up! She opens the cage door, grabs the Parrot and shakes her finger at him.

"There will be no language like that in my house mister! The next time I hear language like that out of your mouth, there will be SERIOUS consequences!" Upon which she promptly throws the parrot back into the cage and slams the door. A few days later, the little old lady was thinking about the incident, and she felt terrible. After all, they were still getting to know one another; maybe she came down too hard on the poor parrot. To make it up to him she goes to the pet store to buy him a present. There she found a beautiful perch - top of the line - the very best perch that money could buy. She rushes home as fast as she can and puts the perch in the cage - looking expectantly at the parrot; "Do you like it? Do you like it?"

The parrot looks the perch over and says (dripping with sarcasm) "nice f...n’ perch".

WELL!!!!! The little old lady opens the cage, grabs the parrot and marches into the kitchen. "I told you the next time I heard language like that out of your mouth there would be serious consequences". She promptly opened the freezer door and threw the parrot in, slamming it shut behind him. An hour or so goes by and she thinks he's probably learned his lesson. Opening the freezer door, the parrot cames toddling out, clearly traumatised by the punishment and says, "One question; what the f..k did the chicken do?"

Faculty Day 2009

Well, I finally got my certificate from the Faculty of Astrological Studies. This was about 10 years worth of work, a few decades of life lost due to the stress and many thousands of pounds. . .So enjoy the photo of me and Claire Chandler, left. If anyone wants to say that these astrological classes are for rich old women with nothing better to spend their time and money on, they can kiss my, er, certificate. Claire recieved both her certificate and her diploma on the same day--a feat I once aspired to--so you can just imagine all the time, effort and money she invested in it.

My (very handsome) buddy, Bernard Eccles, gave the lecture on the day and, as always, he was thought provoking. He reminded us that now that we have the nuts and bolts of astrological knowledge, it was now time for the real astrological education to begin. And you see, that really is the beauty of astrology: you will never be able to say you know everything about astrology. Should you meet someone who says it all, I suggest you make your excuses and get the hell away.

Above is me finally collecting my certificate. . .I make the time about 3:16pm, 28 March 2009. Pardon the blur. . .Nick took the photo. Who would have thought Bernard is so much taller than me??

In honour of astrology students everywhere. . .a few non astrological studies jokes. Let's call these Mars conjunct Uranus in the 9th. . .

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic lecturer. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

And one with Mars in the 9th square the sun:

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Congratulations to all FAS graduates 2009 (yes that's me outside the pub called Perseverance!)!

Llama Mama

So. . . a few Venus in conjunct Jupiter in the twelth house jokes. . .

What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
llamanated

What do you call a very fast llama?
a llamagini

What's a llama's favourarite film?

Llamadeus

What's the difference between a plush toy llama and a spiritual leader?

One's the Dalai Lama, and the other is a llama dolly.

A polka-dotted llama walked into a bar. After serving her, the bartender remarked, "You know, we don't get many polka-dotted llamas in here."

The llama rolled her eyes in disgust. "If you had any idea how many times I've heard that today . . . . "

Now you may well ask: what's with the llamas??

Me!! On Mother's Day, I was treated to a llama trek. It was, bar none, one of the most surreal things I've ever done in my life! Walking a llama was a bit like walking a big dog. They were happy walking next to you and every now and then, blew into your ear (these llamas don't spit!).

Here's some odd llama facts you might not know: Llamas have weird feet--they're not hooved but have two big toes. Llamas don't like to get their feet wet--they'll push you into the puddles to they can keep dry. Llamas don't like their backs touched--they like you to stroke the front of their necks.Seriously, I think I found my life's calling. Yes, I want to be a llama mama!!

If you'd like to go llama treking, have a visit to the Surrey Hills Llamas!

PS: My llama was named "Omar," Jess' was "Louie" and Nick's was "Pandu"

International Astrology Day

On the 21 March, the world celebrated International Astrology Day. We of the Lodge decided to do something completely different and so headed to our local pub. Which was closed! So we headed to our stand-by pub which was open and serving delicious food and drink for hungry and thirsty astrologers. Of course, it is knowledge we hunger and thirst for. Of course!

So above left to right are Simon Posner, Pete Watson, Sonal (sorry can't spell the last name!), Adam Smith, Jessica Adams and Kim Farnell toasting another new start of the astrological year. Yours truly was taking the photo. . .and yes I do wish you a very happy equinox!

To honour getting together, here's a little Mercury in the 8th house joke for all you astrologers, er, getting together. . .

After Sex Comments by Sun Sign:
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

Eastern Orthodox pow wow

On 16 February, we headed to our friend Jadranka's (she serves on the Lodge's committee too) to celebrate the life of Simeon, the saint best known for his ability to abstain from both food and drink for inhumanly long periods of time. Interestingly, the day was celebrated on the 3 February but because of the calendar change, it is celebrated on our Gregorian calendar day of 15th Feb. I'll have to ask Jadranka why we were celebrating on the 16th rather than on the 15th. . .

Anyway, it struck me about half way through the festivities that this was very much like the Indian pow wows I'm used to: there's lots of food, dancing--and someone always opens the fridge, sees all the beer and shouts: "Heaven!".

In honour of tradition, abstinance and Kronenbourg. . .here's a little Saturn in the 5th joke to sustain us during this holy time of Lent!

Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day, he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."

She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"

"I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the men's room.

I deserve a good spanking!

Arrrggg. . .where does the time go? My bad. I've been neglecting my blog to do the synastry exam for the FAS (I'm getting there). In my own defense, my last blog was a difficult one to beat! Who just might be able to outdo William Lilly?

Step forward please, Mike Edwards.

At half term, me and my better half sauntered (snort! you should have seen all the engineering works on the tubes!) our way to Mike's house in S. England. We were warmly welcomed by him and his lovely wife, Marie Angelo and we spent a perfect Valentine's day sharing wine and food and conversation. On Sunday morning, I looked outside the window and saw this (photo to the left)! Talking about walking the talk! In case you don't know, this is a square astrology chart favoured by our predecessors. I'm not sure why or when we started using circle-shaped charts but I was inspired to find out when I saw this! Mike and Marie also have a beautiful stained glass front window which I won't share here because I can't possibly convey the sense of awe it brought to me.

This was also a celebration of my appointment to a permanent middle leadership post at my school! I had been a little nervous about applying for this post as I had been in the acting role for nearly a year and I have Transit Uranus quickly approaching my Natal Saturn in the 10th (BTW my Saturn is the handle of a bucket-shaped chart)--the very last thing I expected was anything involving "permanent"! As they say with Uranus transits: "don't get too comfy." So although I should be feeling very pleased, I still feel quite edgy. But hey, who ever said we could predict the future???

In honour of all things unpredicatable, here's a little Uranus in the fourth house joke for all you happy families everywhere:

One Sunday morning William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."

William was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."

Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."

William was furious! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half-sister."

His mother just shook her head. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your father."

Alex Trenoweth Meets William Lilly

Oh my God!!

I thought it was great to meet Rob Hand, I though it was great to meet Desmond Tutu. But they were left in the shade when William Lilly came to the Lodge to see what we were up to! He was much shorter than I thought he would be. . .

All right, I'll admit it, it's just me being clever (pffft) with photoshop now that I'm the new acting editor for the Astrology Quarterly.

We were treated to a lovely evening with Deb Houlding who not only looks better than William, she undoubtedly smelled better than William would have. I even suspect she's smarter than William but perhaps that's a sacrilege. Deb is the webmaster of Skyscript and if you haven't been for a visit, I suggest you make it your mission sooner rather than later because no astrological education is complete without it. Deb took us through the finer points of "Christian Astrology" and the intricacies are both numerous and amazing. (And left is a photo of me and the lovely Deb.)

Here are a couple of William Lilly quotes:

"After my mistress was dead, I lived most comfortably, my master having a great affection for me. "

"I believe God rules all by his divine providence and that the stars by his permission are instruments."

In honour of resurrection, here are a few eighth house/William Lilly jokes. OK, they're more like 8th house jokes:

When Mozart was exhumed, he was found frantically rubbing out his music. Startled, the observers asked: "

Herr Mozart,what are you doing?"

He answered, "Why, I'm decomposing!"

_____________

First guy proudly: "My wife's an angel!"

Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

____________

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

(left is William's (get used to it--we're on a first name basis) monument at Waltham-on-Thames Church. The Lodge visits every summer at the end of July)