Thursday, 14 September 2017

Fighting the Fight

I've been struggling astrologically. I don't mean I'm having hard transits or anything like that (although I do have a transiting waning Saturn square to its natal position coming up). I mean I've been wondering what the hell was the point of being a "practicing astrologer" when I seemed to be stuck on saying the same things over and over. Surely, I've said all I can possibly say on the topic of astrology and education?

And if I can't get the non astrologers to listen to me by now, maybe the time has come for me to shut up about the topic.

I was thinking perhaps it was time to take another course in astrology or to branch out into another field. Maybe I just needed to take time off and, oh I don't know, do some painting or something. Maybe I needed to take a pottery class.  I hate to admit it but I was feeling eclipsed by the eclipse. With the need to get the back-to-school message out, I was competing with what felt like every other astrologer in the world trying to get their two pence worth in about the damn eclipse. I even kind of tried to join in the fun. But I was defo feeling the frustration of it all.

And then, um, I got totally eclipsed by a boy (uh oh). Well that certainly took my mind off of astrology.

Except it totally didn't.

Do I tell the boy that I'm an astrologer or do I let him work it out for himself when I eventually wear my starry earrings? What if he hates astrology and comes to think I had tried to conceal the fact that I'm an astrologer from him?

I had found it so totally amusing to be mooning about (as it were) after some man I had met at the gym that I jokingly put my musings on Facebook. And like the Moon in Leo/Sun in Cancer I am, got a whole lot of attention I wasn't sure I wanted.

So much for being eclipsed by the eclipse. I never thought there would be so much interest in my love life!

But aside from hearing some very conflicting advice from astrology friends about what I should do about my predicament in love, I also had the opportunity to step away from the persona of Alex the Astrologer and just be Alex.

I mean, who am I if not an astrologer? I've spent that past 18 years focusing on becoming a professional astrologer and maybe I had forgotten who Alex the normal person was.

Yeah I'll just wait until you stop laughing about me being normal.

In fact, let me reveal that Mr Man (as I call him) thinks I am pretty together. He's even marginally impressed with my organisationals skills, fortitude and focus, believe it or not. For a few days this felt like such a cool manifestation of my natal Sun trine Saturn that it felt totally natural and not a little unlike I had been denying the Saturn in me all the time I was trying to embrace the Ura-- Oh forget it.

So fast forward (or at least it feels like a lot of time has passed since my hot date last weekend) to hopping on the plane to Edinburgh to speak to the Scottish Astrological Association on the topic of astrology in education. Of course, I love to travel. And I love this particular lecture (and its variations) but I was thinking I really needed to find something else to lecture about. I mean what is the point? I was thinking no non astrologer is ever going to get it. Nothing will ever change.

No one is ever going to listen to an astrologer.

I've said and written all I can say and write.

Me and a few of the Edinburgh crew
But as I was lecturing, I found myself consumed by the passion to make a difference. And over the cups of tea afterwards as I continued to answer questions about my research, I knew the fight wasn't over just yet. And when someone like Mark Cullen tells you that he respects your genuine and original research, you know the job isn't done. Maybe, I thought to myself, I'll come to the end of my research and someone else can carry the can for awhile.

This afternoon, as I tried to make a plan for my next steps, I came across this article. It's about children who have committed crimes when they are in their early teens and who will be imprisoned for the rest of their lives. I passionately believe that with a little astrology, a difference can be made to the lives of so-called lost children. I don't think I've tried hard enough to make the required changes, to call attention to the research or, for that matter, to finish what I've started.

In the middle of a busy cafe in the middle of Edinburgh, I felt white hot tears of frustrated anger spill over. And I just knew my job in astrology and education is far, far from being over. Somehow I have to keep pulling the rabbit out of the hat. I have to find someone who is in a position to listen to me.

So if you're tired of me rabbiting on about astrology and education, well just bugger off and go do some painting or something. Join a pottery class.

I got work to do.

Time to give up?

NB: This was written a few days after the eclipse in August 2017. I didn't post because I couldn't quite get to the point I was trying to make. After a bit of time and reflection, I think I finally got to it. So today, I finished this post off before moving on to a new one.

Eclipse blah blah blah eclipse blah blah blah eclipse. . .blah blah blah.

Eclipse. . .

My newsfeed had been (and still is actually) clogged full of predictions about whats-his-face in the big white house for weeks and the eclipse. I had been getting well sick of hearing about the damn eclipse. Even non astrologers (formerly "muggles") were making predictions about the bloody eclipse. And when the Mug--I mean the non astrologers--start making predictions about eclipses,  I rather think we've reached saturation point.

"Guys," I kept trying to tell non astrologers, "Nothing happens on the eclipse!"

I even did a little research on the eclipse just to show. . .nothing ever happens on the day of the eclipse (actually things do happen on the day of the eclipse but it tends not to be too exciting unless you count the wedding of Chuck and Di--which took place the day before the eclipse). I even asked astrologers for their verdict about events that happen on the day of eclipses in the same Saros cycle and Great Goddess I got some wild answers. I couldn't work out what went wrong.

"Arrgg," I thought as my inbox got jammed with astrologers sending me mile long lists. "I must be being eclipsed to be so misunderstood."

"Astro peeps," I tried again, "I said EVENTS ON THE DAY OF THE ECLIPSE,"


"YES I KNOW THAT!" I said over and over (at least it felt that way to me). "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?"

So I went back and re-read my blog like twenty times and tried to make things more clear. Yes of course I know nothing ever happens on the day of the eclipse. I'm just experimenting! 

Anyway, this someone else PM'd me to tell me that nothing ever happens on the day of the eclipse so I re-read my original post on Facebook. And I have to admit, it was a bit confusing. No wonder. I changed it to make it more clear.

Let's just blame Mercury retrograde (haha) for that one. Sorry astro peeps.

Anyway, I thought I was eclipsed right out.

So my intention on the day of the eclipse was just to watch a few minutes of the news coverage--but I ended up getting completely sucked in. I watched the whole thing with what felt like most of the world. I thought the experience of watching the live broadcast was an incredible one: without sarcasm, I felt at one with the other observers of this incredible event. I whooped with everyone as totality was reached and whooped again when the sliver of the sun reappeared from behind the moon. It was terrifically moving. Seriously I thought I felt a collective shift.

Yep that must be the effects of the eclipse. Subtle yet profound.

And so to my confession. . .

I've been feeling a little weird about things recently. I joke that I'm deep, deep, deep undercover as a teacher and after a hectic tour, one needs a break. But even being locked out of Facebook, I still felt oddly exposed. Maybe this is because my progressed Moon is in Cancer. I don't know. But I needed quiet and solitude in recent weeks--which for me is odd indeed. I always feel my life is lived in the midst of one kind of storm or another (I work with teenagers day in,  day out). However, the more I tried to hide away, the more creative people got with finding me. I thought surely this had to be an effect of having one's Moon on the upcoming eclipse.

Perhaps it's exactly because life continued to be very hectic that I didn't notice that my entire approach to astrology was changing. And then I realised that the eclipse last month was the other bookend of an eclipse in 1999 (also at 28 degrees Leo). In August of 1999, hot on the heels of flunking my first astrology exam (oh there would be more flunking of exams to follow), I decided that yes indeed I did want to pursue my interest in astrology.

Eventually, I got my diploma a couple of years ago and can legitimately call myself a "professional" astrologer complete with the initials of DFAstrolS (don't knock it--lots of good astrologers gave up before they got there) after my name.

However, something's been bugging me and I haven't half been turning myself inside trying to work it out.

I sensed a need for clearing and clearance but damned if I could figure out what that meant for me and my astrology practice. Maybe, I thought somewhat pessimistically, it was time for me to step aside and find another interest.

I was eclipsed all right and it didn't half drive me nuts trying to work out what the hell was wrong.