Saturday, 27 February 2010

Poor Bubbles!

My darling furry boy kept throwing up and stopped eating a couple of weeks ago so I took him to the vet. His brother Perseus was also sick but was recovering. The vet gave the boys some shots and sent us on our way with some antibiotics. Poor Bubbles kept getting sicker and sicker and skinnier and skinnier! So I took him back to the vet--who couldn't find anything wrong. As Bubbles wasn't eating, he had to go on a drip (see the poor thing, above).

Well, one day, the vet saw loads of cotton thread coming out of Bubbles' little butt and figured it was time to operate! After a four hour operation (which the vet didn't think he'd survive), Bubbles had an awful lot of cottom untangled from his intestines. The vet showed me the thread--and I recognised it from my sewing kit which is zipped up and out of kitty cat sight. Or so I thought. When I got home, I checked--and there was a completely empty spool of the thread I used to sew buttons on my daughter's school uniform!

Arrrrggggggg! Anyway, Bubbles did survive. Here's an updated photo:

He's still as skinny as a mink but he's slowly putting weight back on. He has a big old scar on his stomach so now we call him "Franken-Bubbles".

It's amazing how stressed out we get over our pets!

In (dis)honour of string, here's a little Neptune in the sixth house joke for sick kitties:

A piece of string goes into the bar and yells: "Oi!! Barman! Give me a drink!" The barman picks up the string and throws him into the street.

Thirsty, the string sits down to think of what he's going to do to get a drink. Suddenly, he comes up with a cunning plan. he's going to disguise himself! So he contorts himself into a completely
different shape and frizzes his hair into an afro. He goes back into the bar, hops up on the barstool and smiles sweetly at the bartender.

The bartender says: "You're that piece of string I threw out 5 minutes ago!"

The string says: "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

Saturday, 13 February 2010

Alex and Ronnie Wood!!

So there I was in Belsize Park, enjoying a curry!! Who should walk in but Ronnie Wood!!

I can't get no satisfaction!! (do pardon the double negative!)

Of course, he would have to drop in on the very day that I spent the previous 12 hours scraping wallpaper!!
In honour of nice guys (and Ronnie was SO nice, he smiled at my daughter for loudly asking: "Who is Ronnie Wood??"), here's a Saturn-Neptune conjunction in the 6th house joke!!
A frog goes into a bank to ask for a loan for 30,000 pounds. He approaches the teller and can see from the name plate that her name is "Patricia Whack."
"Miss Whack," he says, "I need a loan to go on a much needed holiday."
She stops shuffling her paper pointlessly, stands up and looks down at the frog at the counter. "You're a FROG!" she says. "We don't give loans to dumb animals."

"Look," says the frog, "I know people. My name is Kermit Jagger."

The teller stares at the frog.

"You know," says the frog, "JAGGER. Mick JAGGER is me dad!"

"Oh yeah right," says Patricia Whack, "So what do you have for collateral then?"

The frog pulls out a one inch porcelain pink elephant from his pocket. "Don't forget," he warns her, "I know people."

Playing along, Patricia consults her boss.

"There's a frog out there called Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow 30,oo0 pounds for a holiday,"she tells him, "Oh and he want to use this," she holds up the little pink elephant, "as collateral!"

To her surprise, the bank manager gasps and says: "It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan! His old man's a rolling stone!"

PS, thanks Jess for taking the photo!!

Friday, 5 February 2010

Llama Dreams

I finally sent my novel "Llama Dreams" off to the Amazon Breakthrough Novelist Competition. Woohoo!!

Fingers crossed Transist Uranus conjunct my P. Moon will give me the shock I need!!

In honour of shocks, here's a special Uranus crossing the ascendant joke for llama lover everywhere:

A man boards a train and takes a seat opposite to a woman holding a small baby. As the train moves out of the station, he picks up his newspaper to read it. However, it isn't too long before he is completely distracted by the baby. He smiles at the baby and tries to return to the paper but every time he finds something he wants to read, the baby catches his attention. Before long, the man is laughing. He puts his paper down and says to the young mother: "Bar none, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!" and he laughs some more.

The poor mother, however, bursts into tears.

After a few minutes, the man starts to feel bad and he gets up and goes to the buffet car, returning with a cup of tea and a banana.

He holds these out to the mother and says: "I'm really sorry. Here, take these so you know how sorry I am!"

The mother says: "Thanks for the tea but I don't like bananas."

The man says: "The banana isn't for you--it's for your monkey!"