“And ye shall know The Truth. And The Truth shall set you free.”--John 8:32
As a consulting astrologer, I am used to working with clients who,
for whatever reasons, have shunned traditional therapies. Some time ago, I met
a client who had been involved in (she so hates the word ‘victim’) a very
violent crime.
Be warned: This is a description of a violent sexual crime and its
impact on the client. It is not an entire transcript and is published at the
request of and with full consent of the client.
Both the astrologer and client post this recount as a testament to
the power of astrology—not only as a predictive tool but one to allow deeper
insight into and facilitation of the healing process. Both also felt the timing was
appropriate for the journey of the Moon from its New Moon phase in Scorpio to
its Full Moon in Gemini opposite Sun in Sagittarius.
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| Event Chart |
The client begins her story by describing the effect the crime has
had on her: self-loathing, bouts of self-harm, debilitating panic attacks and
an overall feeling of a lack of safety. With the Moon opposite to Uranus, both
square to Mars in the event chart, it is apparent—without natal details—that
the event was a traumatisng one and perhaps one that makes the client, in her
own words “very, very angry”. The symptoms became fewer and further apart in
time but would not lessen in intensity, periodically returning as if the crime
had only recently happened. What might startle the average person could lead to
a full blown panic attack for the client. Over time, the client was able to
manage symptoms with self administered cognitive behaviour therapy but was
still—and is still--vulnerable to severe anxiety and what the client now
recognises as acts of self-hatred.
The client blames herself for the event, indicating she had verbally
retaliated to a shoplifter who had been sexually suggestive as she worked alone
on the night shift in a convenience store. Jupiter opposite to Saturn, both
square to Mercury could possibly indicate the sense of false security the
client felt as she stood up for herself as well as her decision to fail to
immediately report the shoplifting crime as per company policy.
Venus and Pluto are both in Scorpio, trine to the Moon and Jupiter
in Cancer, speak of the over-confidence in checking suspicious noises in the
back of the store. The client had thought she would be chasing off raccoons,
not the heavy-set, bearded customer she had chased out of the store hours
before. She describes that he jumped on her out of nowhere and forced her to
her knees.
“His weight and strength were overwhelming,” she says. As she
struggled to push him away, she heard the unmistakable click of a trigger.
“I knew exactly what was going to happen. I knew I didn’t stand a
chance of getting away, that this guy was pissed off and was going to show me
what happens to girls who run their mouths.” She recalls being angry with
herself because she had forgotten to wear a belt with her uniform trousers. The
whole shift she had been annoyed at having to keep pulling up waistband and now
her forgetfulness was what made it so easy for him to rape her.
With her head pressed on the concrete floor, her arms and legs immobilised, she could do absolutely nothing as she heard him spit on himself.
The client mutters that even as she was being raped, she couldn’t keep her
mouth shut. Mercury conjunct Mars is the apex of the T square. Between gritted
teeth she asked: “Is that all you got?”
For a second, she thought she had gotten to him and that it was all
over. He withdrew from her, then roared. In the event chart, Mars in combust:
the shock and shame of what had happened next ensured she would never speak of
the crime to anyone.
He pulled her head back by her hair and bit her hard in the shoulder
as he came. At some point he had dropped the gun (she had been terrified he would
accidentally pull the trigger) but it remained out of her reach. He slapped her
several times around the head and pushed her away as if he were the one who was
disgusted by what had happened. He laughed at her as she dressed. He picked up
the gun, kept it aimed at her the whole time, and told her repeatedly that if
she told anyone he would be sure to tell the details of what had happened in a
public courthouse. As if to punctuate his point, he stepped up to her quickly.
The client shielded her face, thinking she could protect herself. His kick
(with heavy boots) landed squarely between her legs and before he left, he
promised her she “wouldn’t be able sit for months.” She didn’t doubt him.
On his way out, she heard he had simply hit the ‘no sale’ button on
the register, emptied it and some seconds later the bell of the front door
indicated he had left. He got away with around $50.
The client says she knew immediately that she had to cover up the
sexual aspect of the crime. The movie “The Accused” had come out recently and
she was well aware of how rape victims were treated. A medical exam would
reveal the extent of her injuries. She did not want to have to give public
testimony to what had happened and the thought of putting her parents through
such an ordeal was what had gotten her to her feet, to the bathroom to clean up
and partially wash away the evidence and later lie to the police about the full
extent of the crime.
The Moon conjunct Jupiter trine to Venus should have indicated the client
would find solace in women. Instead the client insists that she felt the women
police officers had tried to psychologically bully her into admitting there had
been a sexual assault. During the interview, the client remembered she had been
on her period during the assault and was only reminded of this during a bout of
severe cramping caused by the deeply wedged tampon. The women police officers
had questioned why the client requested to use the bathroom, implying it was to
perhaps wash away evidence. The client had stoically stayed in her seat even
though it was—as the perpetrator tacitly promised—excruciatingly painful. As
time went on, the client felt that telling her story would provide an
opportunity for other women to judge her—this extended to her own mother with
whom she had a very troubled relationship. At the time of the assault, the
client had been having a sexual—and experimental--relationship with another
woman. The client never spoke directly to her girlfriend again. She said for
several years she was repulsed and frightened by other women, a feeling only alleviated
after the birth of her first child which she describes as an “unquestionable
commitment to the female sorority.”
Like the mythological rape of Persephone, reflected by the event
chart’s Venus-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio, the client was very aware that
there was no going back to the way things had been before. The client is quick
to point out that she had happily disposed of her virginity several years
before the event and that sex had been a happy and even joyful activity with
male friends. She had never felt uncomfortable or coerced and that she shared a
bed with the men in her life in exactly the same manner she might share a beer
or a laugh or a game of sport. The client was fascinated with the weakness men
had when it came to sex and that she had never felt she understood a man until
she experienced him in the throes of an orgasm. The “girlfriend phase” had been
fairly platonic and more for the shock value than anything else. The client could
not bear the thought that her girlfriend would be able to intuit what had
really happened—hence the reason for the abandonment.
Neptune conjunct Saturn possibly explains the extent to which the
client was prepared to deny she was having difficulties dealing with the
aftermath of the ordeal. She began to drink heavily to quell the panic of being
alone in small or enclosed areas. Sleep was intermittent and unsatisfactory. It
was several weeks before the internal injuries had healed enough for the client
to feel ready for further sexual encounters. She was keen to get a move on as a
means of proving she had not been affected by the rape. One evening, fuelled by
vodka, she publicly and crudely propositioned a former lover. This led to a
loud and violent confrontation with a potential partner of her former
lover, an arrest by campus police and a referral to the drugs and alcohol abuse
centre. For the eight weeks of the compulsory outpatient treatment, the client
refused to engage with counsellors, vigorously refused medical help for the
frequent and severe anxiety attacks (which the client felt she was able to pass off as anger) and completely denied there were any problems.
Uranus opposite the Moon can mean emotional isolation and possibly
the fear of emotional encounters. The
client says that she held everyone at an arm’s length away. When she wasn’t
drinking, she was studying for her university diploma in open, public areas.
Eventually she realised she had completely closed down emotionally and upon
graduation, moved to a different city for a fresh start. The physical distance
from the scene of the crime meant she could live even further in denial.
The client was uncertain about what to do with her story for some
time. She felt it was far too sensational for publication and was concerned
about burdening friends and family with her own emotional baggage. Yet she now feels that living with such a secret has allowed her to avoid facing up to this life changing event and that this in turn continues to give power to her attacker. There
remains a very strong inherent issue of control: the client feels that any sign
of pity would “severely piss her off”, does not want what she disparagingly calls
“professional help” from conventional practitioners and is fairly preoccupied
with not wanting to be seen as a victim.
“I feel enough time has passed that I can cope with what happened to
me. It’s all a part of my story and has made me who I am. I survived it and I
have lived to tell the tale. But I’m just not sure telling other people the
tale serves any useful purpose other than to be something mildly scintillating
to read.”
About the Astrologer
Alex Trenoweth was voted Best International Astrologer, 2015 for her dynamic presentation on Astrology and Education. Her book, "Growing Pains" is an exciting development in astrology as it combines classroom teaching experience, sound research and the potential to have a positive impact on struggling adolescents, parents, teachers and those who have been labelled "at risk". For queries, consultations or syndications, please contact Alex via www.alextrenoweth.com or leave a message in the comment section.
