On the Rez!

It was so good to finally be home on Saugeen Indian Reservation in Southampton Ontario! I stayed with my Aunt Liz and her husband Burt in their beautiful home near the shores of Sauble Beach (which my grandfather managed to acquire from the Canadian government). Left is a photo of my daughter and I playing on the beach. The water was a little choppy that day but we could still venture quite far before feeling battered by the waves. We had started the day with a swim, had a big breakfast (lasagne! woohoo!), then made ourselves wait a bit before heading back to the beach, where we stayed for the rest of the day.

Later that evening we had a fabulous meal with my cousin Angie. She made the delectable Indian Corn Soup which, to an Ojibwa, is better than Mother's milk. So good in fact that I asked my own mother to take a photo of me digging in! Note the delirious expression of extreme pleasure! What is Indian Corn Soup I hear you ask? It's made from corn that's been soaked in lye (yes LYE) so it pops. Then it's rinsed and rinsed and rinsed then rinsed some more. Then some special Ojibwa magic is added so it becomes this gorgeous soup. It had been a long time since I had Corn Soup (so good it deserves capital letters) but I hereby declare my cousin Angie to be the best cook in the world! To celebrate my cousin's devotion to Ojibwa cuisine, here's another special Ojibwa joke that can only be Mars in Taurus in the 2nd!

Two Ojibwas go to a hot food stand and order two hotdogs. As they walk away, one says to the other: "Which part of the dog did you get?"

How's that for an eclipse on one's Mercury?

Phew. . .

Well, I survived the plane journey back to England (there were a few dodgy moments on the plane which no one but me seemed bothered by!). I've seen loads of relatives and friends. Eaten way more than I should have. Spent time on the beach. Went to a pow wow and did some dancing. Visited Detroit Zoo. Saw Ray Merriman. I have to say that I'm already aching to go back. The thing I missed the most was being with my Ojibwa family--I've even committed myself to hitting the pow wow trail next summer (one of my lesser known talents is making beaded Indian jewellery). Over the next few days, I'm going to try to catch up a few posts but for now, be content with this nice photo of us dancing at the Black River Pow wow and one with me and my very good childhood friend and mentor Juanita (who remembered me as a joke teller)!

To celebrate having an eclipse on my Mercury, here is a very special Mercury in the 3rd, ruling the sixth Ojibwa joke straight from my Aunt Liz:

An Ojibwa and a Lakota dog are out and about. The Ojibwa dog strolls up to a tree, does his business and resumes frolicking with his Lakota friend. A few minutes later, the Ojibwa dog returns to the place, has a quick sniff then returns. They continue their play but then the Ojibwa dog abruptly stops and goes back to the very same spot. When he returns, the Lakota dog says: "What the hell are you doing?"

The Ojibwa dog says: "Just checking to see if there are any messages!"

On Vacation!

Pardon the delay. . .I'm in the US on vacation! Woohoo! (The picture to the left is of my lovely daughter Jessica in the Native American Indian outfit my sister used to wear--Jess is still a bit too small to wear mine.) The only problem is that I keep bumping into fat, bald, wrinkly old men. Then I realise I went to school with them!

I may be on holiday but my sense of humour isn't. To celebrate getting old, here's a Saturn in the 7th joke.

An old man and his woman are sitting at the breakfast table on the morning of their sixtieth wedding anniversary. She touches his hand and says: "You know, after all these years, my nipples are still hot for you!"

The husband says: "They should be. One's in your coffee, the other's in your oatmeal!"

Steve Judd Concedes!

Well, it was a busy weekend at Bath Spa for the MA graduates! Not only was it a time to hear brilliant presentations (a-hem), it was a chance to catch up with old friends. . .and to get old friends to take the Alex Trenoweth "any aspect, any planet, any house" astrological joke challenge.

And guess what? Steve Judd, the world's hardest working astrologer, took up the challenge and had to concede defeat! Ha! And yes Steve, there were witnesses! (left is a photo of Steve at Rainbow Circle Astrology Camp).

In other news, Nick Campion gave yours truly a compliment! Good goddess, what is the world coming to when Steve Judd concedes and Nick Campion hands out compliments??

Lest either Nick or Steve get it into their heads otherwise, let me publicly declare that my academic heart still belongs to Patrick Curry! In honour of Patrick Curry (an ex pat like me), Steve Judd admitting defeat, and Nick Campion finally saying nice things about me, here's a little Pluto conjunct Mars in the 11th house joke.

It was election time and a politician decided to go out to the local reservation and try to get the Native American vote. They were all assembled in the Council Hall to hear the speech. The politician had worked up to his finale, and the crowd was getting more and more excited.

"I promise better education opportunities for Native Americans!"The crowd went wild, shouting "Hoya! Hoya!" The politician was a bit puzzled by the native word, but was encouraged by their enthusiasm.

"I promise gambling reforms to allow a Casino on the Reservation!"

"Hoya! Hoya!" cried the crowd, stomping their feet.

"I promise more social reforms and job opportunities for Native Americans!"

The crowd reached a frenzied pitch shouting "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!"

After the speech, the Politician was touring the Reservation, and saw a tremendous herd of cattle. Since he was raised on a ranch, and knew a bit about cattle, he asked the Chief if he could get closer to take a look at the cattle.

"Sure," the Chief said, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

3rd Post Graduate Research Conference

"Taking the Devil by the Horns: Lucifer's journey from Morning Star to Arch-demon and back again"

On Sunday, I will be reading an abstract from my MA dissertation from the Cultural Astronomy and Astrology course at Bath Spa.

Essentially, I will be arguing that the story of Lucifer is a result of a mistranslation by St Jerome and a myth perpetuated by later authors. I'll also be talking about goats, pentagrams and winged deities, by products of the Lucifer myth.

Since I'm de-mystifying Lucifer, I thought I should thrown in a satan (who isn't who we think he is either) joke. But you'll have to come to my talk to fully understand. . .

Pluto conjunct Neptune

Two satans meet one day. The first satan says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender missionary, I’ve baked them, I have roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just can’t seem to get them tender.”

The second satan asks, “What kind of missionary do you use?”

The other replies, “You know, the ones that hang out at the place at the bend of the lake.They have those brown cloaks with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

“Aha!” the second satan replies. “No wonder – those are friars!”

Happy Caturday

Venus in the 6th. . .with a Jupiter transit

Helen Clark: Oopsie

The Metro has reported that Helen Clark, former MP of Petersborough, was filmed ranting and raving whilst seemingly blind drunk.

Oopsie.

We’re used to young people acting like fools on too much of the brew but to have an adult in a position of responsibility ranting like an idiot? It’s embarrassing enough for a normal person (and I use that term loosely) to be seen in such a state but to be a politician and to have it recorded on youtube seems to be most unfortunate.

So unfortunate that I couldn’t resist but have a little peek at her chart.

According to her Wikipedia entry, Helen Clark was born 23 December 1954 in Derby. A quick head calculation will tell you she’s going to have transit Pluto problems—and sure enough, with Pluto’s current position at 29 degrees, 30 minutes Sagittarius, the Lord of the Underworld does his stake in the heart routine all over her natal Sun/Mercury conjunction. Anything Helen hopes to be buried and forgotten is likely to resurrect its spiky little head at every embarrassing opportunity. If she goes through with her threat of suing youtube and Goddess-knows-who-else, it will only call attention to her shenanigans and cause more embarrassment. It’s enough to evoke images of Hercules and his battle with the deadly Hydra, a terrifying multi-headed beast.

In the myth, Hercules was assigned the task of killing the Hydra. His mentor advised him, “We rise by kneeling. We conquer by surrendering. We gain by giving up.” Hercules paid no mind and went in to fight the Hydra with sword a-blazing. Every time he cut off a head, it was replaced by three more heads, each one more vicious than its predecessor. Eventually, Hercules got the idea of what his mentor had advised him. Kneeling in its slime, Hercules raised the Hydra to where the sun shone in the cave and it withered and died. Where there’s Pluto, there’s treasure: after its death, the Hydra was replaced by a valuable jewel. And that’s the beauty of a Pluto transit. . .

Rather than calling more attention to this dreadful predicament, Helen should maybe face her demons and be seen to do something about it.

In honour of politicians, seemingly irredeemable situations and last second resurrections, here’s my Jupiter in 12th inconjunct Mars in 7th (with a Pluto transit) joke.

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food. After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him." "No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife."

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man. "Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"