My kind of girl!

Bryony Shaw busts her butt to get a medal and during her post race interview (in floods of euphoric tears) she says: "It was such a hard race and I had such a hard week. It's the best thing in the world. I love my mum and dad so much, they are so supportive. And my boyfriend Greg. My coach Tom is such a legend. I am so f***ing happy."

I'm not one for superfluous obscenities but I do love and appreciate passion! Until yesterday I didn't even know who Bryony Shaw was but today, she's my hero!

(On the side, isn't it amazing--and quite indicative of today's culture--that we seem to have completely forgotten about the plight of the Dalai Lama?)

In honour of girls who swear, here's a very special joke, Mars cj Mercury with a Pluto transit in the 6th. If you're offended by swearing, then come back in a couple of days. . .

A lonely woman buys a parrot from a pet shop to keep her company. She puts the bird in its cage and converses with it daily in the hope it will hold up its end of the conversation. The bird doesn't speak. Although disappointed, the woman keeps trying.

One day, her old friend, a priest, stops to visit. The woman welcomes the priest in her home and introduces him to her parrot. The parrot takes one look at the priest and says "You goddamned, mother-fucking son of a bitch!"

Horrified, the woman takes the bird back to the pet shop and complains.

"I've had this bird for months!" she wails "And it never speaks. I have my first visitor--my old friend the priest--and it swears!"

"Relax," says the pet shop owner. "It happens all the time. You see, men always catch parrots. They throw jackets over the birds' head; maybe even give it a few taps to keep it quiet. So you see why the bird swears at men?"

"Yes but what can I do?"

"That's easy," said the shop owner. "You got to punish it. The next time it swears, reach inside the cage, grab a hold of its legs and swing it over your head. Cures the swearing."

Doubtful, the woman returns home. And the bird still doesn't speak. Months pass. Then her old friend, the priest, stops by. The parrot takes one look at the priest and says: "You goddamned, mother-fucking son of a bitch!" The woman reaches inside the cage, grabs a hold of the bird--just like the pet shop owner says--and swings it over her head.

The parrot says: "WooooooooooooWeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Feel the fucking breeze!"

How's that for an eclipse on one's Mercury?

Phew. . .

Well, I survived the plane journey back to England (there were a few dodgy moments on the plane which no one but me seemed bothered by!). I've seen loads of relatives and friends. Eaten way more than I should have. Spent time on the beach. Went to a pow wow and did some dancing. Visited Detroit Zoo. Saw Ray Merriman. I have to say that I'm already aching to go back. The thing I missed the most was being with my Ojibwa family--I've even committed myself to hitting the pow wow trail next summer (one of my lesser known talents is making beaded Indian jewellery). Over the next few days, I'm going to try to catch up a few posts but for now, be content with this nice photo of us dancing at the Black River Pow wow and one with me and my very good childhood friend and mentor Juanita (who remembered me as a joke teller)!

To celebrate having an eclipse on my Mercury, here is a very special Mercury in the 3rd, ruling the sixth Ojibwa joke straight from my Aunt Liz:

An Ojibwa and a Lakota dog are out and about. The Ojibwa dog strolls up to a tree, does his business and resumes frolicking with his Lakota friend. A few minutes later, the Ojibwa dog returns to the place, has a quick sniff then returns. They continue their play but then the Ojibwa dog abruptly stops and goes back to the very same spot. When he returns, the Lakota dog says: "What the hell are you doing?"

The Ojibwa dog says: "Just checking to see if there are any messages!"

And thanks to Claire Chandler!

Just a public thank you to my buddy and amazing Astrological Lodge of London president Claire Chandler for rescuing me last week. Thanks Claire (and Russ)!!

Here we are at Sue Farebrother's aforementioned, (but still not revealing numbers), party.

And to really give my thanks, here's my Mercury in the sixth house joke just for her (OK and for Russ too):

A mangy looking guy who goes into a bar and orders a drink.

The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."

"You're right," the guy says. "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"

"You have a deal, my friend," says the bartender.

The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing Gershwin music. The hamster can really play...

"You're right... I've never seen anything like that before," says the bartender. "That hamster is really gifted."

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.

"Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.

"Watch this," replies the guy. Again, he reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.

"It's a deal," says the guy. He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.

"Are you some kind of nut?" asks the bartender. "You sold a singing frog for $300? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy."

"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is a ventriloquist."

Alex Trenoweth at the United Astrology Conference

My buddy Jules Genik not only sat through my "Gone With the Wind: The Zodiacal Parade" presentation at the United Astrology Conference, she took a few photos too! Thanks for your support, Jules!

So here's me in full lecture mode:

Above is me with Margaret Mitchell, author of "Gone With the Wind" in the back ground.

Below is yours truly sans hat--it kept falling off!

Haha--I felt like such a fool walking around the conference trying to get people to come to my lecture. . .but they'll never forget me in Denver!

Jules said she took a lot of photos but only a few turned out because I moved around so quickly.

Well, I was trying to balance a very big hat whilst taking very shallow breaths, making sure my hoops didn't obscure anyone's vision and operating the remote control for the PPP and trying to keep the dress from falling off my heaving bosoms. I say it's a very good thing I have so much Mercury in my chart (Gemini rising, Mercury (retrograde) in Leo in the 3rd, cj the IC!). Oh by the way, don't believe all the bad stuff you hear about retrograde planets! Here's a joke to demonstrate my point:

Mercury Retrograde in 9th
A team of archaeologists is excavating in Israel when they find a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David on the wall.

The head archaeologist points to the first drawing. “This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem.” he says. “The donkey shows they were smart enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means they were able to forge tools. Even further proof of high intelligence is the fish: If famine hit the earth, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol is the Star of David, telling us they were Hebrews.”

The second archaeologist shakes his head. “Hebrew is read from right to left,” he explains. “It says, ‘Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!’”