The Power of Words

With all the bad news going on about the news, I thought it might be interesting to look at the chart of William Randolph Hearst, media magnate, inspiration for Citizen Kane and the creator of the so-called yellow press.

Hearst was born on 29 April 1863 at 5:58 am in San Francisco. Mercury in the 12th house rules the 2nd and is loosely conjunct Pluto. Perhaps working intuitively, Hearst was able to sniff out the nitty-gritty of a story, sensationalise it, sell it and by that process, he became a very successful and very wealthy man. Taking over his father’s newspaper business just as Pluto entered Gemini in 1886, he employed writers such as Jack London and Mark Twain, securing his newspaper’s popularity within a few years. By 1895, he was locking horns with Joseph Pulitzer.

To give an example of the power of Pluto in Gemini, we can just about safely say a few well placed words started a war with Spain in 1898—with both Hearst and his arch rival Joseph Pulitzer in agreement that Spain was responsible for the explosion on The Maine (an American Battleship harboured near Havana Cuba). The real cause of the explosion remains a mystery to this day. But that didn’t stop the USA entering into war with Spain.

Frank Luther Mott (1941) defines yellow journalism in terms of five characteristics (Frank Luther Mott, American Journalism (1941) p. 539):
1. scare headlines in huge print, often of minor news
2. lavish use of pictures, or imaginary drawings
3. use of faked interviews, misleading headlines, pseudo-science, and a parade of false learning from so-called experts
4. emphasis on full-color Sunday supplements, usually with comic strips (which is now normal in the U.S.)
5. dramatic sympathy with the "underdog" against the system.

Not too much different from recent newspaper tactics! Pluto, of course, has moved on and currently nestles in Capricorn, making us far less interested in a few clever words and more interested in preserving our reputations.

With Neptune hovering between Aquarius and Pisces and Uranus in Aries, I wonder if we are seeing the beginning of the end of the newspaper business. Neptune would collect high tech info as it passed through Aquarius. In Pisces, its own sign, glamour for its own sake as well as rumour and speculation could reach epic proportions—however, Uranus in Aries will force us to streamline the information gathered through high technology. The era of high tech headlines only--without the Sunday supplement, editorial, extra columns and funnies--perhaps?

Norway

Before this week, I have to admit that I usually don’t give a lot of thought to Norway. It always seemed to be such an innocuous country that it’s hard to believe such a terrible atrocity could have occurred there—it never would have even entered my imagination to look up its mundane chart.

According to Nicholas Campion’s “The Book of World Horoscopes,” Norway succeeded from Sweden at a session of the parliament (the “Storling”) on 7 June 1905 at the estimated time of 11am.

The chart of countries can be controversial because they represent a collective shift in public consciousness that completely ignores any dissent from those without power or voice. A good example of this is the constitution of the United States—if Native Americans had their voice, I’m pretty sure George Washington would have slipped into obscurity.

I digress. . .

The chart of the country is usually constructed from the time of huge collective shift usually heralded by a new constitution and a declaration of independence that is generally accepted by the majority. Thus, we have the time and date of Norway’s chart.

The chart shows Pluto in Gemini in conjunction with the Sun in the 11th house. Pluto had a bad reputation even though it lost its status as a planet—we can always smell him coming. But all charts have the rotten spot but does it always have to be so unpleasant?

Let's have a gander at the Pluto of Norway at 21 degrees of Gemini in the 11th house.

Generally, the 11th house is regarded as “friendly” and that it has something to do with the country’s long term hopes and wishes. I usually associate Pluto in Gemini with the yellow press that was prominent in the late 1800’s “To hell with Spain, remember the Maine” and all that you-can-crush-a-man-with-journailsm stuff of William Randolph Hearst (who had Uranus in Gemini). With Pluto in Gemini, a little rumour can be a dangerous thing. I think with Sun’s conjunction to Pluto, the people in power in Norway are not afraid to air their difficulties in public: Norway would seem to be a country that says “we’re not perfect but love us anyway”.

On the 22 July at about 3:30pm, Transit Mars hit the Pluto of Norway and all hell broke loose in the town centre of Oslo. Although Mars would transit Pluto every couple of years, it was the added whammy of the nodal axis that set the destiny of violence into motion. This combination would happen once in centuries. On top of this, Anders Breivik’s Neptune (remember the discussion about his Neptune in the previous post?) was on the North Node of the massacre. Breivik, with his Chiron on the Venus of Norway, sought to profoundly damage the country’s ability to enjoy their peaceful lives. With Venus in Taurus, an idyllic beauty spot was the metaphorically “perfect” setting for his terrible act when viewed astrologically.

It was profoundly touching to see the government’s response to the violence: there were no calls for violence or retaliation; instead there was the peaceful, dignified silence of acceptance. Norway's response reminded me of the myth of Hercules and the Hydra. Hercules had to antagonise the monster from her cave by shooting fiery arrows into where she was hiding (like Mars antagonised Pluto in Norway's chart). Of course, the monster emerges, raging and murderous. Hercules, being Hercules, tries to kill her by cutting off her heads (the hydra had three). But instead of dying, the Hydra just spouted new heads. To kill the beast, Hercules had to kneel in the smelly slime beneath the Hydra and lift her to the sun. In light of the sun, the Hydra withered, leaving behind a crystal. This was exactly what Norway has done, astrologically of course, and in doing so, a terrible tragedy was transformed into a collective message of human grace from which the entire world can learn. A glorious demonstration of what can happen if face our fears and bring them to the light.

Anders Breivik

When someone blows up a city centre with a homemade fertiliser bomb and then dresses up as a policeman, grabs a machine gun and murders 70+ kids on a picturesque island, one doesn't need validation of that person's insanity.
What I do like doing though is showing how the astrology is working.
Anders Breivik was born on 13 February 1979 in London according to Wikipedia. Because the time is unknown, I'm using the time as noon. Without the angles nor exact position of the Moon, the information available is limited but not to the point where the astrology can't be seen.

Like Amy Winehouse, Breivik's chart contains a magic triangle. Whereas Amy had Saturn/Pluto as the tip, Breivik has Neptune. His focus was cloudier, flimsier and much, much harder to pin down (see previous entry on Amy's Pluto/Saturn for a contrast). Anyone can be a drug addict, a drunkard, a sympathiser or an idealist (all traits of Neptune) but Neptune's position and contacts to other planets show how a native embraces the nebulous attraction of Neptune. Think about the pull of the sea: to some of us the idea of swimming in the ocean a terrifying one (some of us grew up in the 70s when "Jaws" was popular!), some of us might find it exhilarating (like surfers), some might see it as something to be conquered (deep sea fisherman) and some of us might find it fascinating (like Jacques Cousteau). Breivik had a Sun/Mars conjunction in Aquarius trine to Pluto in Libra, all three planets pointing to his Neptune by sextile. With different lifestyle choices, Breivik could simply have ended up as the town drunk. Instead he became drunk on the idea of religious perfection (Neptune in Sagittarius). In Breivik’s case, “the pull of the sea” would have felt pretty irresistible--especially as North Node began transiting his Neptune earlier this year. With this, the attraction of Neptune became not only interesting but something that may have felt "fated" to him.
But there are other things happening too. . .
For the past couple of years, Neptune had been doing the boogie-woogie all over his natal Sun and Mercury. Perhaps the siren’s call to a perfection?
Transit Uranus began a long stretch going over and passing then retreating and re-passing (by retrograde motion) over his progressed Sun, destabilising an already eccentric centre-self (Sun and Mercury in Aquarius square to Uranus). Of course, not all Aquarians are unstable—but they do enjoying holding unique or even unpopular beliefs. Breivik goes way beyond simple eccentricity. Someone, somewhere probably tried to tell Breivik he was behaving oddly but he probably turned around and said “But I’m right.”
So far, no one has said much about Breivik’s love life but something unusual is here too and is worth a look.
Natally, he most likely had a Saturn/Moon conjunction in Virgo. He’d hardly be a fluffy bunny kind of boyfriend: he’d most likely fix that cold, icy stare on you if you were anything less than perfect. This is trine to Venus in Capricorn—again, hardly cosy. Venus in Capricorn is not known for its love of soft furnishings. This guy is about as comfortable as a bed of nails. Transit Pluto in Capricorn was slowly making its way to Natal Venus, thus setting off what may be construed as a very unpleasant love affair with cold discomfort and harsh reality—and complete unpredictability. The image of those poor teenagers rushing to the good-looking, heroic policeman for help only to be gunned down as they stood is a tragic metaphor for this.
Nope, still not up to jokes. . .

Amy Winehouse: Newest Member of the "Club of 27"

It doesn’t seem many people were surprised to hear of the news of the death of Amy Winehouse. For months, she had been tottering on the nebulous edge of reality, every moment of undignified escapism chronicled in the tabloids, held up for ridicule via sloppy double entendre (“Amy boo-zed in Belgrade”), making less hedonistic heads shake in wonder. What a waste of talent, we said.

Indeed. Hers was a voice we’re not going to see the likes of again for some time.

But we said the same about Janis Joplin.

Like Janis, Amy hardly lived up to the reputation of her star sign. A Virgo, Amy reeked of the messy addictions so often attributed to her Sun’s opposite sign, Pisces. Here she was falling out of yet another club, beehive comically askew, stilettos long abandoned, too scrawny, eyes rolling in her head, off her face on God knows what, her family and friends scratching their heads, horror-struck. Where did it all go wrong?

Amy was born to a Jewish family in Southgate London on 14 September 1983 at 10:25 pm (Source: Frank Clifford quotes Winehouse's mother to a mutual friend of astrologer Margaret Zelinski. RR: A). She began singing and playing the guitar shortly before her first Saturn opposition. By the age of 20, she had been signed to Simon Fuller’s record company and the rest, as we like to say, is history. She stormed into our cultural consciousness with “Valerie” and “Rehab”. Beehive blazing, she was a jazzy cross between Sarah Vaughan and Morticia from the Addams Family.

Astrologically, Amy was a Mercurial character: her ascendant was in Gemini with its ruler in Virgo as well as a Mars-Venus conjunction in the 3rd house. Her career and public image were often described as “dichotomous” a handy synonym for Mercurial influences. However, the majority of planets are in the northern hemisphere, countering Mercury’s need to communicate and receive information openly. What we saw in Amy’s performances were pure, gut wrenching, honest emotions—when she sang about not wanting to go to rehab, she wasn’t kidding. No one with Moon conjunct Neptune would take well to keeping one’s feet on terra firma. And in the seventh house, this aspect manifested in her choice of men, none of whom were in any position to be a positive role model to sobriety. Added to this was a trine to the Venus-Mars conjunction in Leo. Nothing Leo energy does is quiet or subtle: we got the drunken lion’s roar with every snap shot of the paparazzi. As she publically fell apart earlier this year, Transit Pluto was beating on the threshold of the Moon-Neptune aspect, setting off the rapid destruction of this aspect. Her Progressed Moon's presence only seemed to signal sobriety was not in sight.

Like the other members of the Club of 27, Amy died as Transit Uranus was trine to her Natal Uranus. Perhaps the age of 27 is the soul's first opportunity for a shot at re-invention. I'll leave it to you to contemplate the other possible manifestations. As the first Uranus trine always occurs before the first Saturn return, the native may simply lack the experience and maturity to survive such a shake-up. We get another chance to re-invent ourselves at around 54 and a final attempt at 84.
Natal Pluto and Saturn, in disassociate conjunction (Pluto in Libra, Saturn in Scorpio) in the fifth house, formed the apex of a magic triangle configuration, also very much like the one prominent in the charts featured in the other members of the “Club of 27”. Any configuration of “easy” aspects produces an electrifying zing of never ending energy. Planets caught up in the configuration by transit or progression only serve as food to be consumed by the raging gods. A Saturn-Pluto conjunction as a focus for this configuration could have acted like a shield for Amy’s emotional turbulence. The need to party away the nerves of Neptune-Moon but yet have all the attention the Venus-Mars conjunction in Leo craves could have led to a much faster burn out had it not been for the steely reserve of Amy’s Pluto-Saturn conjunction. Without this aspect, in the fifth house, performing live may not have been possible for a vulnerable personality like her’s. No matter how much "talent" a person possesses, without nerves of steel (naturally occurring or otherwise), a performer is impotent on stage. And Amy performed live over and over and over again.

Generally speaking, squares usually add "grit" to a chart. They make a character, forcing it to do something to overcome limitations rather than passively wait for answers to arrive like a bolt from the blue. Sadly, Amy’s Sun-Mercury conjunction in 4th in Virgo needed emotional and mental precision as a way to express the anguish of living in an imperfect world. In a career where alcohol, fame and drugs are so readily available, Amy Winehouse fell into the abyss.

And no, I'm not ready to make a joke about that.

The Newest Member of the Club of 27

I'm sorry to write that Amy Winehouse qualifies as the newest member of the "Club of 27".
Why Amy? I hear you ask. Does anyone who dies at the age of 27 qualify for the infamous "Club of 27"?
I'm afraid not.
The Club of 27 has had many potential members who have simply died at the age of 27. These include Pigpen of the Grateful Dead and Kirsten Pfaff of Hole and many other, rather obscure, yet semi-notable figures in the world of rock n roll. These folks had "fans" but not the fanatical followers of Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones and Kurt Cobain. We're always sorry for those who die young but not just anyone can join the ranks of the exclusive Club of 27.
Amy Winehouse was notable because she was a talented, award winning lead singer. Her talent made her stand out, not just her hedonistic lifestyle, her recklessness or her need for attention. Most importantly, Amy Winehouse stood out on her own: she didn't need anyone to cling on to. She was a Grammy winning solo artist and had rightly won an inclusion in the "1001 Albums to Listen to Before you Die" book. Her voice was remarkable and life changing, her talent raw, evocative and we won't see the likes of it any time soon.
The Club of 27 is exclusive club and a very reluctant one: Welcome Amy Winehouse.
And no, no one wants any more members.
More on the Club of 27: http://www.clubof27.com/
Or, perhaps we should just mourn the 90+ people who died in Norway. . .

Caput Algol: DUCK!

The fixed star Algol has fascinated me for years. I even named one of my cats Perseus. And so with the Sun approaching conjunction of the fearsome Gorgon's head during the full moon, I thought we could reflect (as opposed to look directly at) this fixed star.
More Algol here.
Firstly, there's been some pretty gruesome news in Tenerife with the beheading of an innocent grandmother. I don't know the woman's birth details so I can't comment on whether or not she has personal contacts to Algol but it seems very "coincidental" that the news of her beheading emerged on the very same day as Nick Berg's beheading a few years ago--on the day when the Sun was approaching Algol.
Anne Boleyn (5 May 1507) and was executed by beheading and had Mercury conjunct Algol (Algol was at 19 Taurus in 1507). Saddam Hussein (28 April 1937) also had Mercury conjunct Algol and was executed by hanging.

I also think it's pretty interesting that Princess Diana had Venus on Algol. She wasn't beheaded but her lover, Dodi Alfayed, died of head injuries in their fatal car crash. I found it a little alarming that Prince William, who also has Venus on Algol, would give his mother's ring to Kate. I'm not predicting head injuries, I'm just saying the symbolism of Algol may be a little hard to shake: personal planets conjunct Algol are said to make pretty intense personalities. Prince William is certainly affected by the Al-ghoulesque themes.
But headlessness isn't necessarily the compulsary manifestation of Algol. Here's a few others:
Julie Gregory, author of "Sickened" the story of a child whose mother had Munchausen by proxy, has a birthday today. She wasn't beheaded but she is the victim of some very strange parenting from someone who seems to be quite sick in the head.

Debra Winger, Sun on Algol, is known for her intense, don't-mess-with-me gaze as well as her unusual voice (Taurus rules the throat).
Leo Buscaglia, "Dr Love" had Venus conjunct Algol. Although he was renowned for his courses entitled "Love 1A," the queues of people who wanted to hug him following his lectures and his bestselling book "Love," he never married.
Tough guy James Caan had his descendant and Mars on Algol. He was married four times producing children with each union.
The plane crash that killed Buddy Holly, the Big Bopper, Ritchie Valens and the pilot of the plane they were flying in also had Mars conjunct Algol. The all died of massive traumas to the brain. Additionally, the pilot had Mars opposite Algol and Valens had Uranus conjunct Algol (just like John Lennon and Bob Dylan).
There's tons of stuff on the web about Algol but here's a few things to bear in mind:
1) Algol doesn't always mean headlessness but often there are elements of the myth associated in the person's life: jealousy, being "head strong," and intensity.
2) Algol is currently at 26 degrees Taurus but owing to precession, moves one degree every 72 years.
3) Here's a few sites of interest for Algol lovers everywhere
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/algol.html
The late, great Diana Rosenberg wrote the ultimate Algol article.
4) A lot of people who have Algol contacts haven't lost their heads
5) A lot of people who don't have Algol contacts have lost their heads
6) A lot of astrologers treat Algol with a pinch of salt.

Make a joke out of Algol I hear you ask?
Okee dokee. . .
What can you never give the headless horseman?
A headache!
And of course, there's always a fine line of you so ugly jokes to choose from. . .
1.You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.
2.If ugliness were bricks, you would be the Great Wall Of China.
3.You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.
4.If ugliness was a crime, you'd get the electric chair.
5.You were so ugly at birth, your parents named you Shit Happens.
6.You're so ugly, your mate won't have to worry about birth control... your face will do just fine.
7.You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.
8.You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.
9.You're so ugly, you have to sneak up on your mirror.
10.You're so ugly, when you look in the mirror your reflection turns to stone.
11.You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you

Flat Earth

A couple of years ago, I met the lovely Christine Garwood, author of “Flat Earth: the History of an Infamous Idea”. She was presenting her findings about the very interesting Flat Earth Society at a Lodge History seminar. The Flat Earth Society asks some very interesting questions about some things we take for granted.

One of the most difficult things for me to do when I first started studying astronomy several (a-hem) years ago was to get the images in my head to move in a 3-D circular motion. For example, on paper, the phases of the moon look like this:

But in reality, it looks nothing like this as we experience it on earth and it was difficult to train my brain to get the earth and moon to move in rotation and revolution. It was a similar problem with understanding retrograde motion:

But I do understand (I think) anyway why the earth must be a sphere and not a flattened disk: because Aristotle said so!

OK, maybe it’s more to do with the fact that these days I am much more adept at getting the imaginary earth in my head to rotate and revolve around an imaginary sun. All the same, it’s not such a bad idea to try to see something from another person’s point of view every now and again. Even if you do think they’re wrong.

To celebrate getting it wrong. . .here’s a little Mars opposite Uranus joke just for you:

Tony was 6 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?' She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'Well, dear, it's called sexual intercourse. Oh, Little Tony said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you.'

In Amsterdam

I'm still struggling to catch up with my blog!
Part of this is due to me launching my website which neatly compiles some of the articles I've published these past few years.
My new website (still under construction) is:
www.alextrenoweth.com
Catchy, eh?
I went to Amsterdam In February which was meant to be a break but ended up being a sad event: just before I boarded the plane, I learned my good friend Maurice McCann had died. Although Maurice hadn't been in good health, it was quite a nasty shock. I will write more about this wonderful man in coming posts but I know Maurice would want me to focus on the beautiful weather and to continue to get in touch with other astrologers.
Luckily, to take my mind off of my sadness, I met the lovely Karen Hamaker-Zondag who runs her own highly successful astrology school in Amsterdam.

Karen also has a very impressive array of books in her shop (my daughter Jess is the model):

Karen and I also discussed the Sibley chart at length, inspiring me to commence work on why I continue to use the Sibley chart when most other astrologers have abandoned it.
I'll need a little more space to explain so watch my website!
In honour of the hard-working Karen and the honourable Maurice McCann, here's a little Saturn conjunct Mercury joke--with an opposition to Neptune:
William Shakespeare walks into the pub and orders a pint.
The barman looks at William and says: "Look, I told you before: You're Bard!"

Yup, still here. . .

Gosh, with my blogger stats counter suddenly going through the roof after four months of silence from me, I thought I had better update! I don't know if the new guests are interested in astrology, crop circles, dirty jokes or me but whoever you are, thanks for the attention--that makes my moon in Leo very happy indeed.
So what HAVE I been up to?
As I announced in September, I decided I was going to spend less time working and more time having fun. Well, the having more fun bit has been quite successful but the working less bit has. . .well, not worked. I've been extremely busy, er, working. And having fun.
Let's see. . .
I wrote another novel in November as part of the National write a novel in a month month, which was why I was too busy to blog in November.
In December, I had just about the worse case of flu I've ever had. . .and then I spent part of the Christmas holidays in Marrakesh where I witnessed a lunar eclipse just before dawn and then went to the other side of the hotel to watch the sunrise.
That awed me into shutting up for awhile.
Here's the photo to prove I was indeed moved to reverent awe and silence:



As for a smutty joke. . .with what's happening in Japan, I somehow don't quite feel up to making jokes today. So sorry if you've popped in for that.
Oh and a reminder the the Astrological Lodge of London meets up at the Theosophical Society on Monday nights.
The next Quarterly in nearly ready so stay tuned. . .

Ahhhh. . .half term

Well, I'm tired!
That's all I can say...
I leave you with a Pluto cj the IC joke:

The Ojibwa tell this story about twins, one a pessimist and the other an optimist. When they were about 5, their parents took them to the Medicine Man to see if there was anything they could do. The Medicine Man told them to give the pessimist everything he wanted for his birthday and to give the optimist a pile of horse shit. It would be sure to cure their stubborn ways. So on the morning of their birthdays, the parents did as the Medicine Man instructed and they waited outside the tipi to listen. The pessimistic son opened a huge pile of gifts and, as they expected, he was grumbling about it the whole time. The optimistic son however, was squealing in delight over his horseshit. In fact he was throwing it in the air and rubbing it in his hair. Alarmed, his parents burst in and asked what he was so happy about. The optimist said: “Well, with all this horseshit all over the place, there has to be a pony for me somewhere!”

New Crop Circle Theory, part 3

OK, so here's how it goes. . .
The area of Wiltshire is crop circle heaven and with Avebury and Stonehenge around, it is naturally quite a magical place to a lot of people. In fact, it's so magical that the UK government thought it would be a great idea to surround the area with a military training ground so while you're wandering around in awe, you occasionally have to duck because of the low flying jet planes. Pure martial stuff. .
The area also boasts the famous Silbury Hill:

Various theories about Silbury Hill abound but it seems to have been a very special place to people on the islands for a very long time. In fact, it's even been referred to as "womb".
Near to Silbury Hill is Avebury. Now perhaps I can, every now and again, be known for my somewhat distracted mind that tends to wander onto one topic but doesn't Avebury look something like a breast?

Added to that, the area is mainly chalk and it has been said the water in the moat surrounding Avebury had been white. . .as in, like milk.
And the final piece of the puzzle. . .
Within Avebury (okay, actually within a pub within Avebury), there is a well that suspiciously looks like a erm, cervix:

So there is a womb, breast, a cervix all continually patrolled by the very martial military. My theory? Aliens are attracted to it because it is a giant human breeding ground! They use crop circles to signal to their friends that this is the perfect place to interbreed with humans. . .that's my theory and I'm sticking to it!
To celebrate theories, here is a very special Mercury conjunct Mars joke:
During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: “Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Peter, how would you say it. “Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner."

Crop Circle Theory, part 2. . .

The classic place to stay if you're going crop circle hunting is "The Barge Inn". It's a nice pub with some really nice locals. You can camp out back which I did for a few nights (great opportunity to star gaze too!).

And it's even more fun if you can bump into Gary "The King of crop circles" King:

Gary and I had breakfast and he told me of all his wonderful plans which included pyramids in South America where he'll be touring for the next few months. I hope he brought his spider swatter. . .
Anyway, it was great to meet up with him and make plans to find the next circle.

In honour of Gary and all other clever men, I give you a very special Venus in the 6th house joke. . .

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it's his turn to be helped. A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and asked the dog what it wanted today. The dog put its paw on the glass case in front of the ground beef, and the butcher said, "How many pounds?"

The dog barked twice, so the butcher made a package of two pounds ground beef.

He then said, "Anything else?"

The dog pointed to the pork chops, and the butcher said, "How many?"

The dog barked four times, and the butcher made up a package of four pork chops.

The dog then walked around behind the counter, so the butcher could get at the purse. The butcher took out the appropriate amount of money and tied two packages of meat around the dog's neck. The man, who had been watching all of this, decided to follow the dog. It walked for several blocks and then walked up to a house and began to scratch at the door to be let in. As the owner opened the door, the man said to the owner, "That's a really smart dog you have there."

The owner said, "He's not really all that smart. This is the second time this week he forgot his key."

And now for my new crop circle theory. . .

So there I was in the fields of Wiltshire crop circle hunting. . .

Up close, the circles take on a more eerie feeling. Kind of like being watched by someone. . .here's some closer detail:

and a bit more. . .

And here's an aerial view. . .

That's all well and good I hear you say but what is that to do with a new theory?
For several years, I've been watching crop circles, been hanging around croppies and listening to their stories about where they come from. And until now, I didn't really have a theory as I didn't think it mattered where they came from. They were just fascinating bits of geometrical design and I regarded them as the most avant guard works of art.
But over the summer, I had a bit of a revelation and I'll be sharing my new theory just as soon as I get a few astro jokes out of my system. . .I'll call this one Jupiter conjunct Mars:
A somewhat strange guy walks into a bar. The bartender notices him and watches as the man walks up to a group of men at a table and starts talking to them. The man then gets up and goes to the bartender and says..."I bet you $500 that I can piss in that shot glass on the back wall without spilling a drop." The bartender, thinking he could make himself a quick $500 takes the bet. The man then unzips his pants and starts pissing all over the bartender and the bar. He pisses on everything but the shot glass.
When he is finished the bartender says, ”Well I guess you owe me $500."
The man walks back over to the table and comes back and gives the bartender $500 the bartender then asks: "How did you get that money from them?"
The man replies..."Well I just bet them $2,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and you wouldn't get mad."

This is how I feel about PDF conversions!

Every time I think I finish the Quarterly and try to do the conversion to PDF, something screws up! A margin will shift, one of the headers or footers will move themselves around, text boxes will magically take residence where they're not supposed to and mess up the pagination.
Anyway, this is how I feel about the process. . .
Let's call it Saturn square Mercury. . .

Pisces Full Moon: ferget tryin' to be purreckt

Most of this summer I've been writing and fussing and correcting and looking for mistakes. . .
So imagine my curiosity when on a break, I saw a very pretty woman stomping down the road, carrying a huge bouquet of red roses. With a face like thunder (her face, not mine!), I watched in awe as she dumped the flowers in a tip. Ever the elegant romantic, once she was out of sight, I fished out the roses (when I knew the woman was out of sight), brought 'em home and stuck 'em in a vase. Aren't they pretty??
I reckon whatever the man had done to have his woman dump £70 worth of roses in the bin must have been pretty serious. Nonetheless, they look great on my dresser!

So, thank you Ms Perfection. I'm glad you're fussy!
In honour of being excused from the pressure of perfection on this full moon in Pisces night. . .a little Neptune in the 3rd joke. . .I suppose, given the circumstances, we could stretch it to a Venus cj Neptune in the 3rd!

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "Everyone's fine. I'VE just quit drinking."