Cleaning up the underworld

I couldn't decide whether to sing sexy sexagenarian Harrison Ford's praises or blow cyber raspberries at Boris Johnson for "banning" alcohol on public transport. So I thought, in true Gemini-rising style, I'd do both.

Goddamn, that Harrison Ford is one hot old man. He's sixty-six this year? Blimey. Why am I on about Harrison? I went to see the Indiana Jones flick last night with my own sexy sexagenarian (well, I do have Capricorn one the 8th house cusp). A lot of these sexy sexagenarian's were born during the Saturn/Pluto conjunction of 1946 (actually Harrison was born a few years before so strictly speaking he doesn't count--however, he does have Pluto transiting his progressed Moon) which means that their second Saturn return would trigger that smouldering sensuality of Pluto in Leo. Think Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Mick Jagger. Oh and for the boys, Susan Sarandon.

Boris Johnson has just banned drinking alcohol on public transport. Oh yeah right, that'll work. Who's going to enforce that one? Transport police? They can't even stop mobs of teenagers rampaging through the aisles emancipating everyone of their wallets and electronic goodies. I would suggest we should ban stupid hairstyles on men but half the male astrologers would be in the clink and we have so few as it is.

OK, in honour of today's sexy sexagenarians and stupid ideas from our new mayor of London that will never work, a special, triple conjunction joke appropriate for a Sunday.

Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune cj in the 9th house

Billy was a painter and alcoholic who was down on his luck. One day, the local vicar offered to pay him for repainting the local cathedral but because of his unreliability, would only pay after the job was finished. So Billy checked his inventory and after a few quick calculations, realised he would be quite short of paint. Not one to be easily discouraged, he mixed the good paint with some turps and got to work. When he finished, everyone was very impressed. The new paint job was just what was needed. So the vicar paid Billy and Billy went out to buy a few cans of Stella to celebrate. On the way back, Billy decided he would have a final look at his mighty fine work. To his surprise, a crowd had also gathered to join in admiration. Just then, clouds began to gather and very soon, it began to rain. It didn't take long for the crowd to notice that Billy's paint was washing away. The crowd turned on poor Billy and just as they were about to burn him at the stake, Billy cried out to God for help.

"I am so sorry, God! Please help me!" he hollered. Suddenly, there was a mighty crack of lightning and from the sky, a terrifying finger of flame emerged pointing straight a Billy. Simultaneously, the ropes that bound him, burned away.

"Now go," a voiced boomed, "re-paint and thin no more."

Alex Trenoweth at the United Astrology Conference

My buddy Jules Genik not only sat through my "Gone With the Wind: The Zodiacal Parade" presentation at the United Astrology Conference, she took a few photos too! Thanks for your support, Jules!

So here's me in full lecture mode:

Above is me with Margaret Mitchell, author of "Gone With the Wind" in the back ground.

Below is yours truly sans hat--it kept falling off!

Haha--I felt like such a fool walking around the conference trying to get people to come to my lecture. . .but they'll never forget me in Denver!

Jules said she took a lot of photos but only a few turned out because I moved around so quickly.

Well, I was trying to balance a very big hat whilst taking very shallow breaths, making sure my hoops didn't obscure anyone's vision and operating the remote control for the PPP and trying to keep the dress from falling off my heaving bosoms. I say it's a very good thing I have so much Mercury in my chart (Gemini rising, Mercury (retrograde) in Leo in the 3rd, cj the IC!). Oh by the way, don't believe all the bad stuff you hear about retrograde planets! Here's a joke to demonstrate my point:

Mercury Retrograde in 9th
A team of archaeologists is excavating in Israel when they find a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David on the wall.

The head archaeologist points to the first drawing. “This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem.” he says. “The donkey shows they were smart enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means they were able to forge tools. Even further proof of high intelligence is the fish: If famine hit the earth, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol is the Star of David, telling us they were Hebrews.”

The second archaeologist shakes his head. “Hebrew is read from right to left,” he explains. “It says, ‘Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!’”

No reflection on Thomas a Becket. . .

One of the things that attracted me to live in England was the very moving story of Thomas Becket's murder by Henry II in Canterbury Cathedral. What a shame it took me some 18 years to finally get around to seeing this glorious place.

The first picture is the sculpture at the very place Becket's body was found, with the blades of one of the swords actually embedded in the floor.

Alex Trenoweth between a hot and a sharp place.














Inside the Canterbury Cathedral. So beautiful, it really does take your breath away. But not your sense of humour.

Uh oh, I feel a joke coming on. . .

Neptune in 9th opp Jupiter in 3rd
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy: "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies: "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City." St. Peter consults his list.

He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven." The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary Church for the last forty-three years." St. Peter consults his list.

He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

Sun?

I know it's the end of May in London but can't we have a little break from grey skies? Reminds me of a joke I once heard. . .

Jupiter in Pisces in 9th square Neptune in 12th

A very religious man wanted to prove his faith in God. So, he tied himself to a pylon in the ocean, with the water up to his chest. As the tide started to come in, a boat came by.

The man in the boat said, "Hey, what are you doing? Get in my boat and I will save you." At which time the man said that he had total faith in God and that He would not let him drown. As the water neared his head, another boat came by. The man stopped and said the same thing. To which the near drowning man stated,

"I have total faith in my God. He will not let me drown."

So, the boat went away. A third boat came by. This boater was frantic, being that the water was lapping at the man's nose. But the response was the same. As the last boat left, the water rose above his head and the man drowned. Walking around Heaven, the man was clearly confused. Then he saw God.

"Lord, I had total faith in You. Why would You let me down like that? You made no effort to stop the tide!"

At which time God stated, "Holy Cow, man, what more did you want from Me? I sent you three boats!!!"

Conjunctions

Give it up for. . .Uranus!

On a bleak, wet, miserable Bank Holiday Monday, my husband-to-be and I heavily hinted that we would love to drop in on our friends Evie and Frank McGillion. After procuring an invite, we headed off to the wilds of South London where we would be later joined by astrology sceptic Geoffrey Dean. In the meantime, Frank loaded us up with good books to read and Evie made sure our stomachs were fortified for the impending visit.

"Whatever you do, don't tell him I'm an astrologer!" I insisted. My assumption that Geoffrey would be a curmudgeonly, academically pious, provocateur of all things astrological were based on two things: his lecture at a Kepler conference and his lecture at the Sophia Centre. He slaughtered astrology--and astrologers--like a modern day Pico and had the reputation for ruining the day of many a star gazer. Under fire, would I be able to maintain a little decorum? With Mercury in Leo (retrograde and all), hell no. Best to avoid the "A" word. Or so I thought. . .

As it turned out, Geoffrey had already heard of me (what?) and was impeccably charming, delightful and intellectually energetic (Geoff, I hope this doesn't ruin your reptutation). It was an evening full of surprises, in true Uranian style. And here's the photo to prove it. . .

From the left: Frank McGillion, Alex Trenoweth, Geoffrey Dean and Evie McGillion.

In honour of the occasion, here's my Saturn in the 9th house opposite Jupiter in the 3rd joke (get stuffed, Nick Campion):

WHY GOD NEVER RECEIVED A PHD
1. He had only one major publication.

2. It was in Hebrew.

3. It had no references.

4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.

6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?

7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.

8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.

9. He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.

10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.

11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.

12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.

13. Some say he had his son teach the class.

14. He expelled his first two students for learning.

15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.

16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.

17. No record of working well with colleagues.

Fame

As I recently had a brush with fame, I thought I should tell my Jupiter conjunct the Sun on the MC joke:

Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!"

Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat.

"Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill.

"I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned.

"Now Ned," says Bill, "You're pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world."

"Oh yeah?" Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!"

"That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?"

"Let's go!" says Ned. The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!"

The three go play a round of golf and then leave.

"That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!"

"Let's go!" says Ned.

The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?"

They enter the palace and have some tea and leave.

Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!"
"Benny!" says Ned,

"Let's go!"

When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up.

"Bill! Bill! Wake up!"

Bill opens his eyes and says, "Ned. You're the most popular man in the world."

"I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!"

"Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?"